~ . ~
When it's solitude I seek,
I take a trip to Blomfield Creek
where time and water trickles by,
as tree limbs stretch to touch the sky.
Feeling calm and so serene,
I strip then slip into the scene.
Clear, cool water surrounds me,
floating ferns brush by my knee.
Furtive fish swim, never done,
in a race that's never won.
Tiny rocks and pebbles gleam,
sun lights up the shimmery stream.
A fallen tree encased in moss
serves as a bridge I walk across.
I pause awhile to hear the sound
of gushing water all around.
As the sun slides out of sight,
I hear creatures of the night.
While I slowly stroll along,
crickets chirp their soothing song.
By the stream, I spy a deer.
Aware of me, she shows no fear.
To quench her thirst, she bows her head,
poised to run but drinks instead.
I watch her til she walks away,
thankful for this blessed day.
Pain abates when in the clutch
of Mother Nature's healing touch.
~ . ~
Author notes
Option #3
A contest entry
- ONLY FOR MEMBERS OF HUGH WYLES FAVOURITES' GROUP #14 by huguenauties.
750 points, ended June 29, 2007, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Love the picture we have jigsaw puzzles of his paintings.
There are many pictures and scenes that make we want to step inside them and explore, this was one of them. A gentle read you captured the peace and tranquility
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of the serenity of the words you chose to bring this lovely image to life. just reading this pushes the troubles i now face to the back of my mind. knowing that this place exist and someone can benefit from it's beauty is a comfort to me. this is so very you. you are alaways three times a lady, my dear sweet maureen.
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I really like this,good luck in the contest
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Thank you!
Maureen
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Sweet
Nature is very soothing, when we immerse ourselves in it - I love the idea of a dip in the stream, making the stream more of a real place than a painting. I remember places like this, where I could cool myself after walking. Lovely, best of luck!
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Thank you, Margaret!
I want to give you stars but my computer won't let me.
Maureen
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It's the thought that counts!
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AHHH Maureen, take me along with you the next time you go to this idyllic setting.
A beautifully written poem my friend.
Love Jen.
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Thank you, my friend. I'd love to take you with me next time I go!
Love,
Maureen
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Whoa, the picture and the the words make for a powerful dream that grabs hold of my mind and forces its memories inside. Ther I am: young and ruler of the universe around my father's mountain spring.
I would suggest a few things please:
1st stanza, third line: ",like water," should be edited, the line is strong, sure and excellently metaphorical without those words.
1st stanza, 4th line: "tall" can be edited because it is implicit in that only tall branches touch the sky. It also enhances the rhythm to fit the edited 3rd line as suggested.
2nd stanza, 3rd line: "clean can be replaced with clear strengthening the "r"-repetition thus enhancing the image of a murmeling stream. Also avoiding overuse of the "ene" rhyme and avoiding a potential tongue-flutter when read aloud.
6th stanza, 2nd+3rd lines: "suddenly" can be replaced by "cautiously" - its meaning thus spread over both lines but freeing the 3rd line and thus shifting the focus onto the beautiful last line.
7th stanza: "great" is already so implicit, your whole poem shouts it without ever stating it, thus making it redundant. It also adds a little bump to the whole poem's rhythm. Maybe that was intentional to add to the feeling of "taking time out" to pray?
Thanks for reminding me what I need now more than ever in such a colorful way. Always a pleasure to fill myself with your words.
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Thank you for your helpful suggestions. I had taken out 'like water' and 'tall' in one of my edits but put them back because of syllable count..lines 3 & 4 seem to need 'more'. I agree...'Clear' is much better than 'clean'. I added 'eyeing me' in the 6th stanza, 3rd line, because, again, it seemed to me more words were needed in that line. I removed 'great' in the seventh stanza since it adds a bump to the rhythm of the poem.
I appreciate the time you took to fine-tune my poem.
Maureen
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beautiful~
Oh sis.....
I felt like I was at Bloomfield Creek.....if this one doesn't win something is wrong somewhere..the imagery was beautiful.....and it flowed like smooth silk......
I am bookmarking this one...............so I can get away for awhile when it gets hetic.....
Beautiful and so tranquil and serene...
I love it
Love you too
Best of luck in the contest....
Love you sis
Susan~~~
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Thank you, Sis!
This painting is very similar to a photo I took of a creek where Mike and I used to go to get away from it all. I wish I had a scanner (that works) so I could post it with this poem.
Love you, Sis!
♥ Maureen
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What a tranquil scene. I wish I was in a place like this instead of our scorching Phoenix weather... it's right down HOT here and not a tree shaded stream in sight.
Your poem is so inviting. I've been to places like this when I lived in the northwest and believe me, there's nothing to compare.
Good luck in the contest
Dee
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Thank you, Dee! I've been to Phoenix so I know how hot it gets there. I love Arizona's sunny weather but it sure would be nice if they had a tree shaded stream or two.
<3 Maureen
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I've been there, in that scene you describe...I've been that fortunate. It's beautiful...maybe just erase your name and put mine on it.
And I agree, the feeling we get from nature disguises our problems as well as anything I can think of...besides strong drugs that is, lol.
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Thanks for your nice comment, Yem. I'd like to give you extra stars but my computer won't let me.
Maureen
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Dear Maureen
This is a really lovely poem. Your words filled my imagination with wonder and the picture teemed with life. A beautiful write. Thank you for your entry and best wishes for the contest.
Hugs and love,
Petratani
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Dear Maureen,
I guessed that you would choose this option above others and it is easy to see how your imagination was attuned to C.W.Blomfield's picture. You have, with detailed imagery, extracted the essence of the painting and of the New Zealand Westland bush which it depicts. You convey, in your lines, the stillness and calm which only the silent movement of fish, the
small sounds of birds and insects and the rippling of the water in any way disturb. Idyllic.
Good luck in the voting and thankyou for writing and sharing.
Love and hugs, XXX Hugh (R.)
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Dear Maureen,
Beautiful my dear friend. it sounds like an idyllic place to visit, very tranquil.
Maybe when Heath and I travel we'll come over and you could take us to your sanctuary, now wouldn't that be something.
I love your poem and I wish you well in the voting.
Love Hine.
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Thank you, Hine! I'd love to show you and Heath my sanctuary..if I could meet with Heath and you, that really would be something!!!
Love,
Maureen
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This gives a sense of calmness. We all should be able to have a spot like that to go whenever we need a peaceful moment.
Soothing and lovely poem
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Thank you! I wanted to give you stars for your comment but the system wouldn't let me.
Maureen
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My dear sweet Soul/Sister,
A beautiful place to seek solitude and peace and tranquility. It can also have a healing effect as you say. Very beautifully written sweetheart.
Love Joan
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Thank you, sweet soul sister of mine!
Love,
♥ Maureen
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