trapped in a shadow
my mind runs in circles
i wish i had the courage
to leap through the window
the gap that flirts
so appealingly
i'm locked in my head
there are monsters outside
they'd eat me up
with their words
jeering and strange
it's a jungle out there
cool breezes, daring thoughts
tantalize me
i'd beat at the walls
if i thought anyone would hear
i'd tear them down
if i weren't so scared
breathing in the silence
tears bleeding
numbly falling in vain
for the warden's notice
i've never before noticed that
the guard is me
Author notes
Used the second listed image.... http://www.deviantart.com/print/249270/
(hard to choose, i love all of the pictures)
A contest entry
- WARNING: Ingenius photographic inspiration may result in spontaneous combustion. by Vernal.
950 points, ended July 11, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How can I improve on this idea?
Comments
-
Alright the only thing I would suggest for this is:
"that gap that flirts"
--don't like the two "that"s there, the second one sounds best so I think maybe try to find a different word for the first one.
Otherwise, there are some great playful little images here and some interesting ideas (specifically the ending).
"i'm locked in my head"
--so describes me right now.
"i'd beat at the walls... - ...if i weren't so scared"
--I'm really attracted to this part. It feels so desperate, so "I want help but cannot reach out" kind of thing. Well, it gave me some thoughts so I think you did a good job
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