The roads of life are oft' entwined
Traveling through time and the mind
And oft' they bend where none might seek them out
About the shades of the night
In time, such paths might intertwine awhile
A smile in the winter
Coming to thaw the frigid air
And make the world anew and fair
Seek me out when that spring draws nigh
For it is love that warms the sky
Sending rays from up above; thin and fine
Combining with deep love
For such love, new spring is rapidly born
And shorn short winters' kiss
So pray our paths might meet again
And warm love banish ice and pain
Author notes
Okay... Hopefully you'll have as much fun reading this as i did writing it.
This, my friends, is a Welsh Awdl (Ode)... a very obscure and litte practiced form of poetry. Why, you ask? Well because its incredibly hard and frustrating to do, thats why, and thats why a normally long winded person such as myself just wrote a four stanza poem...
Specifically, this form is called an Byr a thoddaid (bir a thod-deyed) and it is only one of Awdl.
"This form consists of any number of quatrain stanzas. Each stanza combines one couplet of eight syllable lines a. a. and one couplet where the first line has ten syllables and the second line has six syllables, This couplet is called a toddaid byr.
There is no set order for the couplets.
In the ten syllable line the main rhyme b. b. is found before the end of the line and the last syllable of that line links the six syllable line by alliteration, assonance or secondary rhyme. Here is the form layout for either variation.
x x x x x x x a
x x x x x x x a
x x x x x x b x x c.
x c x x x b
or
x x x x x x d x x e.
x e x x x d
x x x x x x x f
x x x x x x x f "
(From http://www.thepoetsgarret.com/celtic2.html#awlbyr)
In concerns to my poem itself... It is an alternating version of the above form, where the first and third stanzas follow the 10,6,8,8 Meter, and the second and forth the 8,8,10,6 meter...
It is only for stanza's because: A) I am wholly new to this form. its bloody hard.
Yes... er.... Enjoy!
A contest entry
- 8000 points for the best on AP by Amera.
8000 points, ended September 11, 2007, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Ahem... yes... if you understood it (please say you did) feel free to comment.
Comments
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I love this, I love the form, I love seeing a form I have not attempted and I love your courage to compose such a masterpiece. You asked if I understood it to let you know. Of course I understand it, your image is vivid. The flow is off and I’ll explain why below.
As you know this is the strictest and most ridged competition on AP as of late and only the best poets are here. Most poems are immediately DQ’d if they don’t come up to the standards of me; “the poetry bitch”. This poem is not being DQ’d but it is not being moved to the finalists’ list yet.
This poem is very important to you and I ask: please and I emphasize;”please” take this critique in the constructive manor it is intended. These are my opinions and have no reflection on you as a master poet.
Things I found wrong with this poem:
1. L1 – although it is correct and in the modern dictionary, the word “oft” is a poetic contraction for “often”. Middle English requires the apostrophe and that is the flavor of this poem. I would write it as ( oft’ )
2. L3 - The word “Oft” is capitalized for no apparent reason. It makes the reader stop and you lose control of his mind.
3. L13 – only 9 syllables.
4. L14 – you contracted the word “winter’s” which means “winter is” and makes no sense. To show that the winter owns the “kiss” is possession and to show possession the apostrophe belongs after the word; ( winters’ ).
This is a great poem and with some tweeking I think it will be a perfect poem. Once again this contest is strict for a reason that’s why I paid so many points for it.
Love,
Amera ♥
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Alright, the corrections have been made! Thanks again for the pointers and detailed commentary.
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You're in the Finalists' list. I really do like this poem and your effort.
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Thank you! I'm honored!
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