White knuckles that pierce at the grip,
Knees contused on a crimson barren slip,
Formulate the scenes behind two caustic eyes,
Weened from amity and born of lies.
The dry tassle that hangs from sore shoulders,
Lay ensanguined; solid as boulders.
Each terra shattered movement lay behind your glory,
Accompanying a beat; your heart and your story.
Invision the world enclosed in your fist,
Capture no minions mauling your wrist.
For every fang that has broken your egregious skin,
You will ensure, that they will bear toothless kin.
The very hate that slicks down your throat,
Matches the blood on their suicide note.
They will not prevail, you must succeed,
Force them to wail, force them to need.
Burn them at the stake as they once did you,
Incise their throats till their blood turns blue.
Rape them with the crosses that they held near,
With no eyes, their screams all they hear.
Maleficent you are, apocalyptic and presaging,
But heartbroken and torn, you will leave them raging,
Till their cores have rot as yours had once done,
Black soul so hollow, bullet from the gun.
Your lungs once empty, fill them with the scent,
Of all those devilkin that had toyed which you went.
On the same carpets that you had once imbrued,
Revenge; broken into furor, leaves one rather amused.
Prevail you will, prevail you must,
Over the hills and beneath the dust.
All you once were and all you had died for,
Are resurrected in your eyes, and the corpses on the floor.
Author notes
Had absolutely no muse, been running low for the past couple of days. This is my way of trying to stimulate it back into my system.
A contest entry
- Deeper into the Darkness by Dark Soul Reaper.
300 points, ended June 20, 2007, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - Dark: Anger, Angst and Goth by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 124 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Let me see your darkest side by sociaL IntollErance.
400 points, ended January 9, 2008, 28 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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fucking awesome!!!
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Awesome imagery portrayed in this write. Laced nicely with darkness and evil. The rhyme was great, not forced at all to me. Best of luck in my contest.
Pink x
*hug -
The emotions run very deep within this piece of work and the dark element is almost consuming. I personally think there’s a strong element of revenge and atonement playing a large part here. The poem flows smoothly and I personally think the use of rhyme has added greatly to it as the rhyme is unforced. The intensity of feeling is very nicely written with the use of interesting vocabulary that isn’t misplaced and though the poem is fairly long, it isn’t so overwhelmed by words that make it inaccessible to readers. This is reinforced with the use of good imagery and some of the lines I particularly enjoyed are “The dry tassle that hangs from sore shoulders, / Lay ensanguined; solid as boulders” and “Maleficent you are, apocalyptic and presaging, / But heartbroken and torn, you will leave them raging” There are a few errors that if corrected would make for slightly better presentation of this piece: Weened means to think, but I feel the author may mean weaned, tassel, envision, furore.
Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.
Northern Raven
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If that was you running low i can't wait to read more from you when you are going full steam. THAT WAS AWESOME. You drew me in from the first line and kept me wanting to read more. Great work. Awesome Write!
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