You came into my mind again today
While watching golden horses spinning round;
With open mouths but nothing left to say,
A fairground ride, now circling free of sound.
Yet echoing those tender words you found
Like music, when our heart beats seemed to rhyme;
A rhapsody so fleeting, yet profound,
That echoes in my mind from time to time.
I watch as golden horses gently climb,
Ascending and descending memories.
Reflections now reminding me that I’m
Still silently revolving just like these.
You came into my mind, now I'm aware
That what I thought we had was never there.
Author notes
Spenserian Sonnet
"that's what you get when you let your heart win"
In a list
A contest entry
- BATTLE OF THE SONNETS ROUND 3 by mamad.
750 points, ended July 3, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show me Poetry better than my own (Pre-writes Allowed) by McRae by nature.
1000 points, ended August 14, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poems for Ellis ... by ecrivain01.
600 points, ended September 23, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme Time by Danna Hobart.
375 points, ended October 12, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - feeling lost i want sappy stuff people by Pureisolation.
450 points, ended February 15, 2008, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Promised Forever by Megan Awesome.
750 points, ended January 18, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Love You And Goodbye by RawrSmileBabyPlz.
400 points, ended April 22, 143 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Shakespearean Sonnet Competition: "PREVIOUSLY WRITTEN" WORK ONLY. by Vera Rich.
490 points, ended June 15, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Interesting - but this was a competition specifically for a SHAKESPERIAN sonnet, not a Spenserian one. But PLEASE do not remove it... in itself it is a fine piece of work, and will earn you some points.
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This poem was very creative, the title and just about everything in it. (: "Yet echoing those tender words you found
Like music, when our heart beats seemed to rhyme;
A rhapsody so fleeting, yet profound,
That echoes in my mind from time to time." Very well wrote, thanks for entering -
You came into my mind, now I'm aware
That what I thought we had was never there.
This line was amazing. It really got to me. It remindes me of my ex and me. We dated for a while, and for a while really happy. But then he broke up with me out of the blue because he wasn't happy anymore, and I didn't see it. It really brings back those memories. I love this. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!!!
Megan -
Read the rules please.
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oooh wow, i really love this one, especially the title and pic, lol. they go so lovely with the poem, greta job!
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This is a really good poem!Love it's flow
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Good Spenserian Sonnet! I like this you did well and just a question what is up with the (mkii) in the title?
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Whoa ! This is GREAT poetry Really
Is this a special case
Or do you write like this?
Who do I now embrace?
This is what true poetry is.
--Ellis
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Hi, Justice these days is far too often blind- great rhyme and meter ,lovely sentiment- a bitter sweet refrain, this deserved a trophy, hugs
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Because I got so many entries, I am going to judge this a little different than I normally do. On the contest page the challenge was to write a rhyming poem that shows instead of tells, with imagery and metaphor galore. In addition to those things, I am going to take the meter and rhythm into account along with originality. So I am going to award points for each of those things and then sort of tally them at the end to decide on the winners.
Show vs. Tell: 70/100
Concrete Imagery: 70/100
Metaphor/Symbol/Allusion: 100/100
Originality: 100/100
Meter: 100/100
This is beautiful. Thanks for entering. -
Lovely, you have the merry-go-round down to a tee. Good luck!
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Oh my ...
I'm sure that Ellis would like this poem. It's got all the hallmarks of the ones he loved except cats, and I suspect that that doesn't matter one iota in this case. Ellis would like this poem.
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Pleasant
An excellent piece. The merry-go-round is well portrayed. The fairground scene is well described. I like this piece very much.
I do not like the hypenation in the word "to-day". I would remove it to create one word, "today", because as a hypenated word it makes the whole piece look untidy.
Well Done poet!!
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BRAVO!
Very nicely done and filled with imagery,I am impressed!
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bomb
now that was extremely good..I loved it
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I'm upstairs in the fun house
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I love sonnets, and yours is total perfection. Amazing rhyme and clear imagery. FAntastic!
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This is a gem of a poem. Perfect from beginning to end in the way it captures a moment in time with its lovely imagery and enchanting rhyme scheme. I wouldn't change a thing.
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A gorgeous poem. Lovely imagery, you give a beautiful voice to a fleeting moment. I wouldn't change a thing.
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this was amazing
i liked it as a whole no parts better than another great job -
this is absolutely gorgeous. i loved the climb/I'm rhyme. can't believe that i missed it in the battle of the sonnets. but am glad to have found it. very very lovely. thanks for the pleasure of reading it!
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Beautiful imagery. this piece was superb. Thank you for entering
Carrie
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Nicely written...Scott
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Oh! Love the turn at the end! Nicely done.
In the third stanza, you should remove the comma after the third line.
Other than that, I would stick a fork in that poem, because it is done to a "t."
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read and scored
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