There is a warning on the bottle
'May cause heart ache'
yet you down
my sweet pills
"Go ahead" seduces the snake
give it up
I'm no good for you
You think I am the cure
to this horrible world
but I am naught but a lie
plastic hope lets you fly
And what I am
but your sugar
what you feel
is not true
And all I do
is put off the blue
tears that fall down your face
they flood and flood
drown us both
while we are sated
in sin we created
and up a tree
there smiles a snake
safe from our rising waters
and the label on the bottle said
"May cause heart ache"
Author notes
Sometimes I feel I am a drug to the boy I love
that he has fun when he is with me
but that in the long run
he will regret what he has done with me
So my guilt is that I think I hurt others, even though they ask for it, that is no excuse.
I READ THE RULES
A contest entry
- Every Part of [im]perfection by WishMeAway--x.
550 points, ended June 24, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~Addictions And Depression~ Round One by blondone.
600 points, ended June 20, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything. by Sonofdead.
800 points, ended June 26, 2007, 138 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gimme All you Got. by ItsalltheSame68.
450 points, ended July 3, 2007, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITES CONTEST....PREWRITES CONTEST by Summer Dawn.
450 points, ended July 31, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter Prewrites You Think Are Worthy Of Gold by KittieLyyn.
330 points, ended July 25, 2007, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Goes by Game Master.
600 points, ended August 30, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Intrigue me! by Jfd.
550 points, ended October 24, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Have you ever felt guilty?..PIF by parntsoftwins.
360 points, ended December 6, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Do you think all themes are necessary? Do I over complicate things? Honest feedback please
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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I truly understand of feeling as though sometimes I am nothing but poison to my other half. This poem has portrayed that emotion and guilt so well. Thank you very much for choosing to share it in my contest.
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Honest opinion:
you are not a drug.. no-one is..
but before i get in to it i want to simply say this poem is beautiful the imagery that you create, the style and the words.. A* quality!!
okay, back into it again.. (lol)
you are not a drug.. nor should he be a drug to you
look in his eyes and feel comfortable around him its okay to worry sometimes but don't let this worry overrule your life
kate i love your writing you do not over-complicate things and this is coming from me and i get complicated quite easily...lol
..<3!!
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You want me to be honest and I will, you shouldn't think that you're a drug to your boyfriend for this reason. First let me ask you this. When he's upset does it take it out on you or does he calmly tell you what happened and you try to make him forget? if the answer is yes to the first question, then maybe he isn't worth it because if he takes it out on you you don't know what he might do. but if you answered yes to the second one there is no why that ur a drug he just goes to you for that "ladylike" comfort . . . or maybe just wants to fool around with you if you know what I mean *wink wink* *nudge nudge* Lol. Neve think that you're a drug, I don't know you personally but no one is a drug. And if you wrote this because you feel so then that just means you love him and don't want to hurt him you know what I mean? I like this poem, even though you think you're a drug you're not. Don't ever think that way, I'm sure if he read this he would be like "Baby you are not a drug, your my SEXY BABE!!!" Good luck thanx for the entry
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Um, thanks, he actually sits down and calmly tells me that I have made him feel bad, and if he read that he would say exactly that without the baby part cause he believes that is sexist and is a feminist so wouldn't say. But it doesn't really make me feel much better.
I kinda wanted truth on what you think about the structure, words, effect and allusions of my poem to tell the truth, but I don't mind if you analysis the emotions, its just I look to improve my poetry, and I am totally desprite for structural and effect advice.
But thanks for your support anyway.
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You think I am the cure
to this horrible world
but I am naught but a lie
plastic hope lets you fly
that is such an awesome verse here. one i think you should really pay attention to due to your situation. sometimes we have a way of writing to ourselves without really realizing that our words really mean something, and we are just missing that subliminal message that we have given ourself.
this is a poem of strength and self awareness of one's self. thanks for sharing.
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What do you mean? How did you interpret this section? I like to see other peoples perspectives a lot. Thank you very mush for the comment.
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I think "heartache" is one word. I think. Look it up.
"You think I am the cure
to this horrible world
but I am naught but a lie" --
I love that part. Good luck in my contest!
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this is my fave of ur poems damn u woman for being a law student and writing better poetry than this english major!!
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you have made it to round 2 but naught is spelled incorrectly.
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I like it. The End. ^_^
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This one Is very well written.I like the way tou combined options 1 and 2.It's very nice.I love the point of view and prospective.Nicely done.Good luck
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Hey thanks, I wasn't sure if it was ok to do that. :-)
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I know this feeling, thinking that you are going to hurt that one person that you love so much, thinking that you are going to drag them down. I fear it so much. With my girlfriend, I know that she can do better then me, but for some reason she sticks with me. I love her so much, but I hate myself in those few moments that I hurt her. Great write, and good luck in the finals. -
Enticing Dependent
Dear k8fairy,
Wow...In my opinion, yes...your themes are warranted and supported by your storyline...As a writer of in depth musing of my own, I appreciate the complexity and thought provoking metaphor you've strategically placed in your beautifully thought out way of expression.
Great job!
^j^Honesty Abounds
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'And what I am
but your sugar
what you feel
is not true'
Haha! I found those lines to be rather clever. Brought to mind the placebo effect. Clever, if that was your intent. This is a very good write, strong in substance, one that really makes the reader think. Love is wrapped up in such a pretty little package, and yes, it should come with a warning label. Nicely done and no, I do not think that you've complicated anything, this is very good on its own as I said, it makes the reader think, it is not a pretentious write and that is a good and solid compliment.
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beautifully written
You're making him happy now, that must mean something. Don't blame yourself on his problems, at least you care.
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I like it.. at first i thought u were talking about illegal drug or something but then i realized it's about love.. kinda sad though..
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this si so full of reality... you made it so... amazing.
but it is so sad.
loved it.
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they flood and flood
drown us both
while we are sated
in sin we created
loved those lines espcially. i know this feeling, i've been there, and they soon realized that i was a drugged disaster&&a mess. we're not friends anymore.
but i've fixed myself, i changed, and you can do the same. great write, and good luck in my contest.
♥.love. -
This is a very nice write but I do need the entry to be Drug or Aclohol related or Depression this is a Love Addiction which I understand... great emotions written in these words
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very good poem... from start to finish. You have an amazing way with words. Excellent job!
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