He sips coffee from a straw
in faded yellow light, alone and
unaware that anyone even notices
his abstract delight or mellow musings.
His words rumble on now, low and slow;
speaking of times when he stood tall
before professors and students alike
waiting to breathe in his very essence.
Those around draw closer to hear
a bit of his life; waiting for the moment
when the light finds his eyes again,
and that final drop of coffee is gone.
(c) Debby Sorensen Carlson
6/19/2007
Author notes
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Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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The coffee metaphor was lost on me but I dislike coffee so I don't get why its so good. This man being described sounds like a wise man or a prohept of some kind.
"His words rumble on now, low and slow;
speaking of times when he stood tall
before professors and students alike
waiting to breathe in his very essence." This makes me think of wisdom following from him to those who desire it, and the wisdom being his very essence. -
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Zanerus
This man is wise but he is at the end of his career and life. For those who still care to enjoy him, he has much to say. He actually could be drinking anything. It just represents the passing of time; his time. I sure do appreciate all your comments..
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Your work is worth reading, and I wish that man a peaceful time. Also that many learn from him.
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I like this. There is something truly memorable in the title and opening of this poem: "He sips coffee from a straw". You obviously have an eye and ear for obscure but memorable imagery, since it was that title, leaving such an definate impression of oddity upon me, that attracted me to this poem. I really like the density of this piece aswell. You don't waste your time with peripheral and it seems to me you've trimmed the fat well (was there any in the first place). It reminded me of "The Retired Colonel" by Ted Hughes, which is another wonderful coming of age poem, cast in cynical but honest light.
Good work, and keep it up!
. Rewarded 8
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Lee
You hit the nail on the head. I was told once that if something does not add to a piece- leave it. I usually do not have alot of fat to trim. I am thankful for that. Ted Hughes is a great poet. I do appreciate you taking the time to write such well thought out comments. I do tend to be obscure. I like outside the box the best. Thank you . Blessings. Debby
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Tragic
I really enjoyed this. The cadence is perfect and the length only adds to the bittersweet tragedy that is the main character' life. I find the free form of the poem adds a certain sophistication. A rhyme scheme would only make this seem trite and platitudinous. To me it was slightly (emphasis on the slightly) reminiscent of "Ozymandias" by Percy Shelley. Both retrospectively deal with a life of greatness and how that greatness degrades. The idea of a dignified man who once brought others to silence and awe with only his presence drinking coffee from a straw is exceptionally doleful and strangely beautiful. You could truly have not evoked these feelings of pity and admiration in a more arresting way. All in all, fantastic.
. Rewarded 8
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demetrah
Thank you so much for your thoughtful and inciteful comments . They are greatly appreciated . Blessings. Debby
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Debby ... this was just such an endearing write! It so reminds me of my days working in the nursing home ... Oh how I think of them so often and wish they are well.
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THank you !! I work in a nursing home. But, this is from a scene I saw and an old professor I knew. Amazing man. Hugs back.. blessings. D
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I love this it is awesome. I like any thing to do with coffee. I love it but this was an amazing write.
. Rewarded 4
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LOl.. I love coffee too .. and thankyou so much. I am so glad you enjoyed this . Blessings. Debby
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Wonderful piece
Stunning writing here. I love the whole imagery of this piece. I can see the scenery in my mind. Wonderful writing. You are very skilful. Keep writing.
Wayne
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Wayne
Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful comments. I appreciate them and you. Blessings. Debby
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Incredible
Very wonderfully penned my friend god sure have blessed you with this talent. Keep on penning and thank you for sharing it with me...
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darryl
Thank you Darryl for the nice comments. God Bless. Debby
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Amazing imagery in these lines. I absolutely love the line
waiting to breathe in his very essence.
Incredible
. Rewarded 4
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Thank you for you comments. Blessings to ya. Debby
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hmmmmmmmmm.
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This is so sad Debby. The ending times of a great person's life are so bittersweet.
Wonderfully penned.
love and hugs - jo
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jo..
Yes, they are. And, thankyou ! Hugs and much love. debby
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:)
interesting. -
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thanks ! d
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Wonderful poem here. It was great to read. You are talented! keep up the awesome work
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Thankyou very much ! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Blessings.. Debby
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