Life have proven that it is a no man’s dream
As the wooded trees crept above the still blue
To look out what the distance bequeaths
I, too look what this world shall tell of next
Seems like life can not be silent in his thoughts
He forgets what he made love and hate to be
It seems as if confusion writes the weeks for him
During these years of grief and love loses
We ask, “What is love?” he shows us both love and hate
Altering one man’s sensations and emotions
One day he plant crops of rain and fog
Next day, the sky grazes with beauty and hymns
Yet life is so generous in its giving hands of fields
nurturing a world of generous heart and vegetations
One must make the best tools to make the best things
And woe is life that it has no help from its wife
Its mother sits upon the sky humming of tunes
As it looks across her child progress and doesn’t know
Her bright smiles are what grows and feeds life
I watch him as he toils the days for demise
Watching its clothes then dries it in the sunrise
Waking up to the same chores every horizon
Soon life becomes disable and lies upon the cot
Death comes quick in minutes and assists him there
Life have proven that it is a no man’s dream
As the wooded trees crept above the still blue
To look out what the distance bequeaths
I, too look what this world shall tell of next
In a list
A contest entry
- Free Verse Delight by Three Doves.
625 points, ended July 2, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Do You Want It? Do You Need It? Let Me Hear It.... Ladies and Gentlemen...!!! by JinSays.
725 points, ended March 7, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Did you count for me?
I'll need then to move you up. If you did, then disregard this note, thanks
Jin -
Seems like life can not be silent in his thoughts
He forgets what he made love and hate to be
It seems as if confusion writes the weeks for him
During these years of grief and love loses
No kidding. There are two things about this piece that keep it from entering the finalists list. One, the word life should be capitalized if this is the character. Unless you did that for artistic purposes. If so, I'd say by all means, leave it in. Second. I need a word count.
100-300 max.
Perhaps you could go through and check for me?
There seems to be some repetition that weighs it down..
but only a little. I tend to do that in my writing too.
I love prepositions...too much!
Anyway,
I do like this, and the message is absolutely acceptable..thank you for entering it.
and except for that, you're in!
LOL
Welcome to my world, LOL..
Peace,
Jin
Please?
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beautiful
This is very beautifully structured and carefully fromed and thought out.I love your use of metaphor and classical words.Your use of repeating the first and last verse gives great structure to the poem and ties it all together.You are a fantastic poet and i look forward to reading more of your work.
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Beautifully worded and linked together from one line to the next. An accurate perception of life as is from "life containing life". I especially enjoyed 2nd stanza which also functions to set up the direction for the rest of this personified story. Then the repetition of 1st stanza at the end wraps the entire poem up nicely.
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i really liked it. it made me really think about my lfe for some reason!! but it was stil a great write i lok forward to reading more
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Thank you for sharing a very well written poem, I enjoyed reading your work.
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aww. this is like a nice, caliming poem. and how life is not a dream. great write!!
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??????????I don't get it. Well I don't get half your poetry but it sounds nice though. I don't know exactly what the hell you talkin bout( smile) it still sounds nice.
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I like the feel and imagery, but the wording could use some work. Good job, but I would've given it a couple more rewites. That's me, though.
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thank u
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