These songs that no one sings
these words that no one hears
black ink on tattered paper
trying to ban my fears
Exiled to empty rhymes
urging to be yelled out
infecting those who listen
transporting love and doubt
Remember not the words
remember the sensation
of sharing the emotions
the sadness and elation
And maybe in the echos
you'll find me touching you
even when I'm long gone
my soul lives in each song
This song I sing for you
these words are all I have
to show you who I am
even with my last breath
I'm hoping that you'll see
in every shattered rhyme
that I tried to preserve
our little share of time
So if you read the words
remember the sensation
of sharing our emotions
the hope and the frustration
And maybe in the echos
you'll find me touching you
even when I'm long gone
my soul lives in each song
Author notes
Inspired by Nightwish's Dead Boy's Poem:
"If you read this line, remember not the hand that wrote it
Remember only the verse, songmaker's cry the one without tears
For I've given this its strength and it has become my only strength.
Comforting home, mother's lap, chance for immortality
Where being wanted became a thrill I never knew
The sweet piano writing down my life"
A contest entry
- Bring on the Outcasts! by masky.
600 points, ended August 17, 2007, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - How Do You Write? by strangerforeigner.
450 points, ended February 22, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Great write. I especially like the line "these words are all I have/ to show you who I am." How many people will never know us except for the words we leave behind? Good luck in my contest and thanks for entering!
-
-
Thank you very much
-
-
Excellent piece of poetry, my dear, talented, poet!
Also, there's a big plus that you got inspired by Nightwish(one of my favorite bands)...I love the way you captured the message of those lyrics and turned it into a beautifully penned poem.
I don't even know where to start with my favorite parts.
The ending stanza is brilliant. Also, the fact that it repeats itself during the poem once again add an emphasis on the meaning:
"And maybe in the echos
you'll find me touching you
even when I'm long gone
my soul lives in each song"
The last line captured a little bit of my heart...this is why I like it so much.
Another stanza I like a lot:
"This song I sing for you
these words are all I have
to show you who I am
even with my last breath"
I don't know why, but when I first read it(this is also a suggestion), I read it like "With every minute's breath". It sounds amazing this way, but I think it could sound better the other way around.
In this part:
"that I tried to preserve
our little share of time"
You could use Present Continuous "I'm trying to preserve". Although Past Simple makes more sense in the context, it adds melodicity this way.
Congratulations on this wonderful poem, thank you for entering, and good luck!!
P.S. I hope you didn't find this comment boring, and I am sorry if you did...
-
-
Boring? Hell... this must be one of the longest comments I ever got. And it's constructive. And I'm actually replying to it, although I suck at doing anything with constructive criticism except being eternally greatful for it. I love getting comments like this, but I hate to go back and change my poems, which always makes me feel bad when I get extensive comments. Ah... I'm ranting. Sorry. Thanks for the comment. Cheers.
-
Adding your comment:
