As she walks by, i notice her scent
it smells of sweet roses with a honey compliment
i try to greet her but she walks on by
i don't think she notices the twinkle in my eye
i spot her walking from across the way
little does she know she brightens my day
she says hello, and i stutter a greeting
when she see's that i'm nervous she starts retreating
i tell her to wait there's something she needs to hear
when she walks back to me i whisper in her ear.......
"I've known you for time, now you need to know,
seeing your face makes my heart glow
i'm taking this chance before some guy takes it from me
i'll be happy to know that you even almost love me
i don't want your sympathy i just want your ears
i want to say this without shedding any tears
i never thought saying three words was so hard to do
i guess i'll just say that i love you."
A contest entry
- Speaking On Trembling Lips by FlipperSwitch.
600 points, ended July 2, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Wow, this is a nice one yo'.
I just think you should try flowin, and puttin it all together as if you're telling a story though .
You know,
if you could make it rhyme without making it obvious that you're trying to.
I have a poem you might want to read for example.
see? Like that, but it's only a suggestion though. but nice write. It reminds me of my freshman year when I first told my bestfriend I was in love with her.
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count your syllables! for the 50 000 000 000th time. well ok not that much but still. Your poem was beautiful just some line are awkwardly long.
Nakatréa
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I wrote mine because I've never entered a contest before. I had to describe something that was extremely hard to do. Back before you knew me I was making some mistakes and that poem just described how all i wanted to do was the right thing. I'll explain tomorrow when I see you. =D But your poem, this one, is absolutely beautiful my love. I've read this one many times over and each time it strikes me as much as the last. You have a way with your words, they make me melt and it's wonderful. I hope you never lose your inspiration.
*muah* SweeterThanFiction
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i understand, but i still think the poem was beautiful. and as for my inspiration all i can say is it's you. lol. i'm sitting in the front this month i'm the stage attendant lol.
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Beautiful- I hope you actually say this to her or have said this to her. Just beautiful; thanks for your entry.
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Oh this is some good writing. I like your set up and follow through. Wishing you success in this contest.
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Awwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! How incredibly sweet and romantic!!!! It's always better to take a chance and possibly lose than to never know at all! Any girl that doesn't melt reading this just doesn't have a heart! I've still got goose bumps!!!! Well done, nephew!!!!
~DAWN~
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very sweet. really captured the situation when you like snmne & not knowing what they feel back and how to act when u see them. I like: 'i try to greet her but she walks on by/i don't think she notices the twinkle in my eye'. good write!
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Thats So Sweet
♥Awww♥ Your just to good at writing love poems.That would be a very brave thing to do.The last few lines went together perfectly,i bet this took you a while to write.You did a wonderful job.Is it for Game Master?If it is or anyother girl i think they would love it Cause i love it too.Good work.
-maddie
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