looking back
think I would change
a few things
might not be so critical
or harsh judging people
would try to be kinder
and less cynical
but most of all
would learn to say no
to those who always
ask for help
even if it means
having them
mad at me
then again
maybe I would leave
things just as they are
'cause it's too late
to rock the boat now
and besides
it sure fills up my days
A contest entry
- Grab these Points! by BabyBun.
2350 points, ended June 21, 2007, 19 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
I really loved this piece, you started out very strongly and I felt like it flowed beautifully until the lines;
even if it means
having them
mad at me
I felt like the word choice of "mad" put a halt to this piece, I'd suggest re-wording that area in general so it flows better with the rest of this piece.
Everything else in here is really great, and I love the ideas that this brings up, thinking of what we could change if the opportunity presented itself is really something to think about.
Thanks for sharing this, I really enjoyed it!
Amanda -
I enjoyed this a great deal - I liked the simplicity and the ending is wonderful. Good luck!
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Rocking the boat is good every once in awhile. Change can be good if you want the change. Just try to help people when you can.
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