Here I am staring out
from inside
this prison of self
The world alive
pulses and swirls
around me
But nothing penetrates this
armour of shit I wear
People think I'm somebody
for all the acts I put on
all the hats that I wear
Yet, nothing penetrates
this armour I wear
It hides my true self
so no one will see
The dead one inside
the zombie called me
A contest entry
- The Dark Light.{{Personal Writes}} by Broken Machine.
1600 points, ended July 5, 2007, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Release Inner Anguish (Dark poetry from Dark poets) by Girl With Guitar.
1300 points, ended August 9, 2007, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A chance for gold by Virgoan.
500 points, ended September 24, 2007, 49 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Realization at its finest. I like the imagery and the personification in this piece.
Thanks so much for sharing and I wish you all the best in the contest. Keep writing fellow poet.
>>>VIRGOAN
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I like this one, I have often felt like a zombie inside, wondering if anyone would notice.
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I adored the use of the hats, it makes it seem like a game instead of life, but in reality life is just a game. Great work here, the flow is very good.
Bandaid. -
The repetition of the 3rd verse (or possibly stanza...), but using slightly different phrasing works really well, because it makes you focus on that point without being boring. The rhyming of the last 2 verses/stanzas gives it more impact, and these lines are powerful regardless of rhyming. The 2nd verse/stanza doesn't flow as nicely as the rest of it, I feel, "around me" seems a bit short for a line, possibly. But I don't know. Anyway, really good work!
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Oh that was a wonderful poem! I loved it! Thanks for entering this contest and good luck!
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1 - 5 of 5
