Deep the Bottom Well by Grimoire at All poetry

Under the discord of silent tears,
beneath the refrain,
lower than depths known
lie those unwanted fears -

nothing worth living

for passions disdain;

-exsanguination-

deeper the abyss unknown

confounded by bliss,

so ignorance plays her role

again all is amiss -
the Reaper comes to toll;
arrogant justification for

-euthanasia-

your heart seems to swell

until lastly a ghastly thump
how deep the bottom well?
Rock bottom bump,
sweet gasp precious air
(last one before Hell)
life flurries and not a care,

measure this life by the mark
of how deep this bottom well.

Author notes

Hitting rock bottom marks a point in everyones life. How far, and how deep we fall is sometimes fatal...

Please tell me what you think

Comments

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Adding your comment:
awake
April 7, 2008

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deep the bottom well
grim i cant tell u how amazing it was to read this work... it was something i feltand get evenn if NO ONE ELSE DOES!!!i feel like u write from what u live..not what sounds good or is excepted by ANYONE ELSE!! YOU ROCK!!!
Blooming Poet
March 17, 2008

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wow. is the last word , your word choice prompt???????????????????????????? iF SO THAT IS BRILLENT TAKE ON THAT WORD. IF NOT ITS STILL BRILLENT.
takemypainaway
March 11, 2008
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wow this is really good i enjoyed this

**KAT
Lyre-Bird-
December 1, 2007

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A great piece...... the black hole, that one and many have crawled..... your words reflect such truth, how far will a soul fall, before life becomes an empty, hollow carcass....
best of luck
Tracey
PerfectImperfection
November 7, 2007

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Swimming in the murky pit of self-loathing, lost love, sadness, et cetera... and the ever present stain of bottomless ache. Nice alliteration woven in bursts, shadowing desolation. A very powerful piece of thought you have penned here.
2lullabyhaven
October 27, 2007
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Nobody can tell it quite like one who's been therelol
Celticmoon
October 24, 2007
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Thank you for taking the time enter and good luck to you!
TXCowgirl
October 11, 2007
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I am not really sure there is anyone who can honestly say that they have never hit bottom in there life. I like the way this is written. Its a powerful write, yet it doesn't make those of us who have hit rock bottom to feel shame about it. Thank you for penning such an amazing write that speaks directly to my heart and soul.
~TXCowgirl
forever dreaming
October 4, 2007
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Haven't we all been there? Is there anyone who hasn't? Find them so I can ring there necks, lucky gits. This poem captures how many of us have felt in one way or another and does show using very descriptive language, detailed imagery and a format that I actually think suited the poem. Well done and many thanks for entering. Good luck to you.
Touchof1der
September 25, 2007

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Okay... I am sure you already know what I am going to say here in regards to formatting. I will say this... I like your word choices, the imagery and the content. For the most part you really do maintain a nice flow. You just need a little tweaking on the formatting and line breaks.
♥ Touchof1der

My idea here would be...

under the dischord of silent tears
beneath the refrain
lower than depths known
lie those unwanted fears
passions disdained

deeper the abyss unknown
confounded by bliss
ignorance plays her role
again all is amiss

the reaper comes to toll
with arrogant pride
your heart seems to swell
until lastly
a ghastly thump
how deep the bottom well?

rock bottom bump
sweet gasp precious air
last one before Hell
life flurries with not a care

measuring life by the mark
of how deep this bottom well
Aesthete2000
September 21, 2007

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But your words ascend
from the depths,
seemingly knowing well
that you grasp
at another chance.

Aesthete
Blankscreen2222
September 21, 2007
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how deep this bottom well..

I don't think anyone knows the answer to this.
But I do know that some people's wells are one hell of a lot deeper than others!.

An enjoyable and realistic read.
I was going to say well done but somehow it wouldn't seem right.

Best of luck in the contest.
captain howdy
September 21, 2007

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You can feel the sorrow in this piece as you fall through the well into a hell. Well done! Good luck in your contest!
Barely Breathing
September 21, 2007

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This is such a great poem. I really enjoyed reading through this and you have expressed this so well. I could almost feel myself going down this well. "sweet gasp precious air, last one before Hell". This was a really powerful line. Well done.
Mirthryl
July 26, 2007

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I liked the way you took us down the well, through the false bottom and beyond, into the lower Hell (ghastly thump, then rock bottom thump, sweet gasp...before Hell).

I think the weakest lines are "so ignorance plays her role, again all is amiss". It seems like you are saying that you got blind-sided, being ignorant and in bliss (deceived). Possibly something combining the thought, as 'confounded by ignorant bliss'. Might not work with your rhyme scheme to drop the 'all is amiss' line, but it seems weak compared to the rest of your write.

Vivid depiction of "sweet gasp precious air", and the new measure you have found for life, against "how deep this bottom well". The anguish and pain come through clearly. Good title choice. I enjoyed your piece.
- Grimoire
  December 9, 2007
  
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  I think the weakest lines are "so ignorance plays her role, again all is amiss". It seems like you are saying that you got blind-sided, being ignorant and in bliss (deceived)...
  
  Yes. It is an expression; "Ignorance is bliss". Ignorance is bliss because knowledge is pain; knowing that we are spiraling downward would be acceptance or realization that rock bottom is approaching... and that without change we are ignorant to our doom. The reference to "her" is an interjection of subtlety to "Love". Where is Love when thoughts of suicide and a wish for death embrace us fully?
  That confusion led me to the line "deeper the abyss unknown"
  
  hope that clarifies,
  homewrecker
AutoPilate
June 22, 2007
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Excellent!
I won't belabor the point everyone else has made about the complex rhyme scheme, I'll say only that I enjoyed it, made the reading experience fresh with each line. What I most appreciate about this piece is the combinations of sounds ("sweet gasp precious air" and "life flurries and not a care", for example) that come across fluid and quite dynamic. This is a work that begs to be read aloud.

Thank you for sharing!

- Giovanni
fdsfds
June 22, 2007
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I like this. I think you did good with balance in your rhyming. You didnt do it so much it sounded cheesy... But you used it enough to make the poem flow nicely. I also like what the poem was about. rock bottom bump,
sweet gasp precious air,
last one before Hell" I really liked that line.
barefoot contessa
June 19, 2007
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This reminded me of something that would come from the Twilight Zone. I love how the imagery is so good that you have to read it several times to try the discover the hidden meaning of it, and everytime you learn something different. It reads sort of a melody as well.
blueyez
June 19, 2007

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I like This had a different kind of rhyme scheme but I like it. I had to read it twice! Peace and Love