At twilight, I knew... he would be waiting,
Our escape to a world we only knew.
I knew he was waiting patiently ,
I am trying so to get to him .
Too many brier patches to get through ,
they grab at my arms tangle my legs ,
but I keep going to reach ,to the place I know he is.
Wondering around and around in my own mind
Why does he even wait?
For me ...
no one special i am ..
He is my peace , my tender romance.
I can't get past the troubles and pain
that i must take care of first.
At twilight , I knew my efforts
would be my pleasures , my reward , my prize!
A contest entry
- My first contest!!! by achilleslove.
900 points, ended July 2, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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This is very nicely written. It makes me think of my boyfriend and how much I miss him. My favorite line is "He is my peace, my tender romance." Because it is so beautiful. I really enjoyed this poem.
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all fixed thanks
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This is such a sweet love poem! I love how you describe that at twilight you receive your prize. You've painted such a beautiful picture with your words. There are just a few grammatical changes that need to be made:
Line 5- to should be too
Line 7- this reads just a little awkwardly. "The place I know he is" isn't very clear, so maybe something more along the lines of "to the place I know he is" might work better.
Changing your i's to I.
Line 13- cant should be can't
I loved this and it ends so perfectly. Thank you so much for entering! -
awww love
Our escape to a world we only knew.
i believe you meant
only we knew
i like the brier patches, nice metaphore.
no one special i am
i've felt that way
loved it MM -
Amazing beauty with this write..A bit of a painful pen with such wonderful reward in the end..
Bravo..
Peace
~A~
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beautiful write
how deep the feelings flow here, and tells of the love you share at twilight. this is soo sweet and pleasure to read. You are really expressing your feelings and i am lost inside your writes. thanks for sharing.
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