White feathers fall
From the wings of bitter angels
Whose hearts are frozen
Penetrated by the icy whisper
Of the wind, crying through the night
Frigid forests of fear.
The beating hearts of the broken
Frosted tears of the fallen
They cut her face like shards of glass
Though silken skin shows no scar
As the biting winter chill
Breathes life into the blood of all.
Snow angels fallen, expelled from grace
A frenzied beating of broken wings
Corrupted innocence revels in white ash
For there is beauty in the way she falls
Oh, Winter; How could you ever be so cold?
The snowflakes caress her face
Soft and light as an angel's touch.
Fluffy kisses upon her cheek
Just like a tender lover's embrace
Land in her lashes, vanish upon contact
Mixing with the tears in her hazel eyes.
Evanescent reminders of the proverbial lover
Lost to the hurricane of eternity
And the last drop of crimson falls
Upon the mountain of powderpuff white.
In its place, a rose will grow, as red as blood
When the cruel winds die
And eternal light shall reign again.
Author notes
A snowstorm, with my usual Gothic flair, of course.
Prompt is ice.
2007RC112
This was originally written for another challenge, though it's one of the pieces I'm most proud of. Oh, and I left-aligned, just for you 
In a list
A contest entry
- Starting Again by Sia.
600 points, ended January 19, 2008, 26 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hope(ful) Snowy Nights by SilentMoonlight.
1500 points, ended December 11, 2008, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - WINTER by Rhythm Child.
400 points, ended January 11, 41 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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thankyou for entering. I hope you enjoy the contest and have fun.
take care
message me for anything
Rhythm Child
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nicely penned . . liked "From the wings of bitter angels" and "Corrupted innocence revels in white ash" . . congrats on the bronze
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LOL yay left align
And you should be proud of this piece its spectacular! That and as you already know I love the picture
This showed every note of melancholy that winter can provide and I love how you contrasted colors in this; it makes everything seem more vivid.
Thanks for entering doll!
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ohh nice
wintery weather is always suggestive in nature, nice entry thank you and good luck
Linda
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A gothic flair indeed! But well penned!
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nicely written. I do like it. thanks for joining my contest. Good luck and thanks for reading the rules. that is important.
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Thanks for entering!!!!
This was such a gorgeous poem. To sum it up, I loved it very much! It left me speechless. Good luck in the contest @>}- ^_^ -
Failed to find a rhyme scheme. Sorry, read the rules.
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Good job. Thanks for your entry and good luck.
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And the last drop of crimson falls
Upon the mountain of powderpuff white.
In its place, a rose will grow, as red as blood
When the cruel winds die
And eternal light shall reign again.
I really like the descriptive words in this paragraph. It seems to me this could be two poems mix into one write. One paragraph
Land in her lashes, vanish upon contact
Mixing with the tears in her hazel eyes.
Evanescent reminders of the proverbial lover
Lost to the hurricane of eternity
Unless you are talking about the sky and what it reminds as the snow storms falls. I see it know. I am sorry I have not read much Gothic poems lately. Now I see what you are saying. Sorry I am a little slow on the uptake today. Very unique and creative. Good luck on reaching the final round.
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A true talent shows through here as I was immediately taken by some of the lines in this entry. "The beating hearts of the broken / Frosted tears of the fallen," for example, contain images that are worth mentioning in the first because of their duality and in the second because they stand as a showcase for what we mean when we write about picture-words within poetry that bring added value to the text. So I wanted to make sure that I pointed them out, first thing.
With regards to that, I think you have taken a relatively uneventful experience and made it interesting through a powerful writing style that allows your audience to experience the text as a participant rather than having it just feel like reading.
My positive feeling is further compounded by the flow of this piece that is barely perceptible, yet sufficient to the end of the author's intention. As I just finished writing to another poet, the audience should never feel drenched in the flow even as they may be immersed within the poetry. Well done.
Thank you for your entry,
~Das
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This is a brilliant piece of work with lovely metaphors and splendid imagery. I love alliteration in poetry and this had it, without being too over the top, so thank you for that. I was not sure about using the word "crimson" but other than that this was a pleasure to read. Thank you and good luck
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The author of this poem has used many poetic devices to present this story to readers, all of which are positive steps to producing great work. The mood and emotion in the piece has been set using winter as the theme and the associated coldness from the images reinforce the negativity of feeling, along with words such as “broken, fallen, expelled, lost and cruel” which demonstrates cohesion throughout the work. I think some of the images are a little cliché as in “The snowflakes caress her face / Soft and light as an angel's touch” while some are quite original, for example, “Corrupted innocence revels in white ash “and also “And the last drop of crimson falls / Upon the mountain of powderpuff white” but in general they all add to the story quite well. Alliteration has been used for effect and the line I liked most for this is “Frigid forests of fear.”
What I fail to see clearly in this poem, and it could just be my frame of mind as other readers may see it, is the central topic. I found it led me in two directions, the first being that of a lost love and the second being of a person who is dying. Of course it could be neither of these and as I don’t know the authors intention it leaves me in a quandary as to whether viewing two focal points is good or bad. I like poetry which allows the reader’s imagination to apply the work on a personal level but those poems usually have one definite topic in their own right. I’ll have to think about this and possibly revisit this work at a later date to see if I view it differently. Apart from this, there is much that I like in this poem.
Congratulations on reaching the final round of the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with this entry.
Northern Raven
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"White feathers fall
From the wings of bitter angels
Whose hearts are frozen"
That was really good. Great imagery!
"They cut her face like shards of glass"
People cut shards of glass?
I understand what you mean to say but the way this is worded it actually says that they cut her face as shards of glass are cut. Maybe reword it?
"Though silken skin shows no scar"
Ooh, strong!
This whole piece was really good. Wonderful job! <3 -
If you don't win this contest, the person judging this is an idiot (PLEASE DON'T QUOTE ME ON THAT. I JUST CAN'T THINK OF ANOTHER WAY TO SAY IT AT THE MOMENT. MY BRAIN IS FRIED.) Anyway, I love how you used the word, "evanescent". I'm one of the few people that actually use it, too. Lovely piece, dear.
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Oh wow, beautiful! Imagery is amazing and the way you wrote the poem is stunning! It has like a subtle darkness about it that is not too much, and not too little, but just enough to add an elegant, delicate gothic kinda of feeling to it. Awesome poem, I absolutely love it!
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Wow. this has a good change of proceeding to the next round, not to give false hope though, but it is a very good poem.
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