Nine years old, crying as she runs out the door
Running towards the one she was grounded from the night before
Smoking cigarettes and lighting matches was the fun thing to do
This girl, the only one who ever accepted you
Following thereafter, mom lies asleep in her bed
A man creeps up the stairs towards the top near my bed
‘ your blouse needs adjusted, please let me help you’
“ ok. Sure, …” I know nothing but trust from you.
Standing in innocence my blouse is now neat
God only knows its hard to bare the heat
Next thing I know I hear nothing but rage
I knew nothing of the anger about to engage
What did I do to create such a hate?
All I did …was stand ….and wait
“ you’re a slut, I hate you! Get out of my house!!”
In tears I run crying, screeching like a mouse,
To my best friend, peering over the fence
Standing on my bike begging, because it doesn’t make sense.
‘what did I do to make her so mad at me?’
She says“come talk to my mom, maybe then you’ll see.”
I’ve waited 17 years for an answer so grand
Why she chose to throw anger at me , and to help me understand
Now I know the story, I heard it thru the grape vine
But all of these years the regret of that day has always been mine
Little girl, I say to you with open arms spread wide
Pour your little heart to me, if I, you’d like to confide…
You did nothing wrong, your mother, she lived a hard life
At the age of nine she began as a mother and playing the role of a young wife
She knew nothing different, and she saw in her eyes
The attraction portrayed from all older guys
Forgive her for wrongs she knew nothing of
Just hold in your dreams the warmth of a mother’s love.
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Author notes
my mom was the oldest of eight kids, had to fix meals and take care of the kids while my grandmother was at the bar working, meanwhile, she had been molested by two of her boyfriends. my mother and i have, and never will have a relationship, for other reasons.
A contest entry
- Connecting With Your Inner Child (Creative Writing Workshop) by kareneisenlord.
710 points, ended June 30, 2007, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make this THE largest Contest EVER on AP [enter, enter, enter!] by Symphony.
18000 points, ended April 28, 1014 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
thanks for reading
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Very sad this write was, but it felt [while i was reading it] that it had been one that you needed to get out of your system, and so very successfully you did -
For me, the most moving section was,
"Forgive her for wrongs she knew nothing of
Just hold in your dreams the warmth of a mother’s love."
Heartbreaking altogether, this was very well written"
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Poetry is a harrowing glimpse into the mind and memories of strangers. Shared experiences are such an honour to be part of.
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Touching
I can really relate to this. A very touching and emotional write.
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All of the entries in this contest/workshop were absolutely amazing. It was a little agonizing to judge because I was moved by each and every one of them and through them, many of my own feelings and issues surfaced and found new resolution and hope. I sincerely wished that there were more than three main trophies to give out here, because they were more that were deserving. I was very inspired by each of your stories and the courage that you all show coupled with your fantastic ability to transform your hurt and suffering into hope and healing. Since you were all so good, I decided to focus on the following points for judging the winners of the trophies, much of which was emphasized originally in the contest criteria ; Following directions: (i.e. making a genuine connection, dialogue or interaction, and resolution). How it was resolved: Was I left with a sense of hope and healing? Emotional Catharsis- Did the writing bring out the readers' own feelings and reactions. (I read other readers responses, besides my own, as well). Poetic Ablility and Grammar- Important here but not the most important; was the writing grammatically correct and clear in expression, keeping it simple yet creative? It was not easy to choose, and you all received points and Honorable Mention for your new write, which was well-deserved! Thank you all for participating in this workshop contest and I know it was not an easy one. I am grateful for those of you who felt ready to take up the challenge as well as for those of you who had the wisdom to know if it wasn't right for you now.
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Deep and Emotional
This is a stunning piece of writing. Deep, heartbreaking and very very emotional. Powerful words really hit home here. I can feel this child's fear and desolation in this piece. Well done for such a powerful piece.
All the best
Wayne
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This was an extremely raw write and I admire your ability to pull it off so well. Often, as children, we are caught up in an adult world that we do not understand, and we are blamed for things merely because of adult's projecting their own problems onto their children.
I am so sorry that you went through this and that you had to wait so long for an explanation. That's the hardest thing to deal with; the years of silence, or never having it explained. Often, it is left up to the child's imagination or what they can piece together. I am grateful that you were able to resolve it on some level and reach a place of comprehension and compassion for your mother. Still, there was that hurt, little girl inside of you, that was blamed and dumped on so inappropriately and I am happy that you were able to reach her and comfort her in the wonderful way that you did. Good job and thank you for entering this in the contest!
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"Next thing I know I hear nothing but rage
I knew nothing of the anger about to engage
What did I do to create such a hate?"
I hate being a kid because of that. Not understanding is the worst part of it.
This made me cry, really. Hearing through the grape vine muyst've been horrible.
Good luck in the contest, this is an amazing piece.
Bandaid.
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a true heart rending write, I'm so sad that it's based on a true story.
I liked the way you rhymed it, it was quite quirky in he style you used.
Well done.
Lexy xxx
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lexy23
thanks lexy, for your applause. i know it is off a bit on rhythm, and details a little shady, but i was trying to be brief instead of longer stanzas. thanks
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This was so sad to read, so terribly sorry that you will never have a relationship with your Mother. Your childhood holds scars that are still visible, I can only pray that writing about your life, helps release some of the pain and helps you towards a healing light. I am constantly humbled when I read such pennings, that I lived such a wonderful life, but reminded that many others did not. Bless you
~Tia
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yeah, tia, it is glad that you had the enjoyment of living a great life. some of us are in envy of that. however, having been on the computer long enough i have learned too that my life wasnt as bad, nearly as bad as what others have endured. to each his own though. but it has made me decrease my sorrow a bit. now i am just still dealing w/the loss of what's left yet, as you know the story, to pick up the rest of the pieces. take care.
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