I dry these droplets.
I lie in by bed.
I'm falling apart.
They say
No man is worth your tears,
And the one who is will never make you cry.
I guess I don't care
About what they say.
I still love you.
You've broken my heart
Yet again.
You've stolen it
And split it in half.
You've crushed me.
They say
No man is worth your tears,
And the one who is will never make you cry.
I try to ignore
What they say.
I still love you.
She's pretty, isn't she.
You've fallen
For her.
I've fallen
For you.
They say
No man is worth your tears,
And the one who is will never make you cry.
I turn my back to
What they say.
I still love you.
I can still hope.
I can still love.
But that doesn't mean
You can't break
My heart.
They say
No man is worth your tears,
And the one who is will never make you cry.
I guess I don't care
About what they say.
I still love you.
Author notes
I wrote this for option 5, the proverb option. The proverb is; "No man is worth your tears, and the one who is will never make you cry."
A contest entry
- LOTS and LOTS of OPTIONS!!!!!!!! *Please come look* by Samantha-..
600 points, ended June 24, 2007, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - She sits in her corner singing herself to sleep wrapped around in the promises that no one seems to keep. by Starz of Heaven.
525 points, ended June 22, 2007, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ur the reason.. the tears keep on falling down by fire angel 088.
430 points, ended July 5, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - biggest contest in allpoetry history! (i hope) need 1,000 entries!! by Gasp.
1300 points, ended July 11, 2007, 638 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Broken Hearted and Lost loves by Lillian Rose.
600 points, ended July 25, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gasps! It's an options contest! by chugglepuff.
700 points, ended September 9, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ages 13 and UNDER ~Sometimes we all get sad by Amunet Wolfbane.
525 points, ended September 13, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please be brutal.
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Ah yes, a sadness everyone will be able to relate to in one way or the other. It's always painful to lose love in your life... well expressed yourself here
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It was a little long to get your point across, but your emotion is strong here. Good job.
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This was a decent concept, but sort of redundant. Said concept was well-established early on, didn't really need a lot of reinforcement, but reinforcement was given. So, I like the idea, but the whole thing could use some cutting-down.
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I did say as part of the option that it should "make fun of proverbs" and be "amusing", and if there was any humour in this I'm afraid I totally missed it. I like your use of repetition, although I can't decide whether I'd prefer it with perfect repetition or with slightly different phrases each time. Regardless, it really got your point across, improved the structure of the poem and generally impressed me. Some of the lines were a little too short and I think this would have flowed better with slightly longer lines, but that's just my opinion. The topic is slightly overdone, and quite a lot of the imagery you used was pretty clichéd, but the use of the proverb was original and really added to this poem. Keep writing!
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I don't see ow this fits with anything in my contest, and you haven't put the option in your notes. Please explain in you author's notes how it fits with the option you have chosen.
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This poem is so true, every word of it! I loved reading it and it brought back a few of my own memories. You did a great job on this. Good luck!
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I really enjoyed reading this write, I loved how you kept repeating "they say no man is worth your tears and the one that is will never make you cry" that was a really nice touch in my opinion. THank you for enterng this into my contest and best of luck to ya!!!
Casey
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Thanks for the entry! I can feel what the message is!
Fire Angel -
Nicely Done Keep up the good work.I really enjoyed reading this.It was very nicely written good luck in the contest you've amde it to round two.
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Very nicely done. It has some good imagery and emotion here. :)
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that is really good
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ohhh this is GORGEOUS!! way beautiful!! not true, I hope?? I HAVE been trying to write sad poetry, but it doesn't work, they end up all happy and chipper at the end
this is like gr8!!
i was about to say 'see u tomorrow' but actually its more like 'see u in two months...'
lise
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i hav the oppisite problem...all my poetry ends up sad! boohoo. im writing a sad one rite now...
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This is a very nice but sad write thank you for adding it to the contest best wishes to you xxxxx
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Very sad, and very beautiful. I could tell this came from the heart and I loved it. It was kinda repetitive, but that's ok. It fit the poem well. Good luck!!!
PS-I love that quote too. -
Emotion Charged
Darlin this is delicious emotion!
I read it and I felt your pain ( a very good thing to do when writing a poem because it hooks the reader in and dosnt let go)
One thing that I caught though was its choppiness.
When I first started out I wrote the same way you did here. Raw emotion but the writing was rough and ragged, making it a hard read.
In some cases, this is good, but, most of the time you was a smooth, seamless read. One that flows with a water like liquid.
Try making your stanzas longer, less choppy.
You can make an even more potent emotion feeling if your wording is beautiful and sings.
You want your wording to be in harmony with your feeling. So that they sing together and make a song that everyone will sigh at. (I know Im going on and on, but Im trying to explain things the way I had to learn them lol)
I loved how you repeated these lines through the poem "They say
No man is worth your tears,
And the one who is will never make you cry.
I turn my back to
What they say.
I still love you."
Thats a good way to keep consistancy Loved that.
With a little work, this could be a very nice polished peice charged with emotion!
Keep in mind though, these are only my opinions. In no shape or form should you change your work simply because what I have said
Thanks for sharin!
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