one lock of hair in a crazy corkscrew
I drove to the Shell station
my resolve had folded again
it's happened too many times to mention
I bought my pack of poison
from the hag at the counter
rolled home and watched "Carrie" on the TV
and I thought "Baby, take a look at me
my life sure ain't busting at the seams
you should've done right and called me up
or were you afraid of me?"
Well, I seem to have lost my old intensity
I blame that on the pills
I took a nap this afternoon
and dreamed I couldn't find a clean restroom
I guess I like my privacy
but the price is pretty steep
the phone never rings and when it does
they offer satellite TV
I see you as a satellite connected to me
I know you think of me when Janis Joplin sings
I memorized your taste
they can't take that away from me
so I sit here smoking with my hair sticking out
and I count all my souvenirs
Author notes
Sorry for the plain background. I keep pushing buttons but no backgrounds come up, so I'm stuck with this. Hope you don't find this aesthetically unpleasing. (Maybe it takes ten minutes to get a background up, and I'm just too impatient.)
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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What I adore about your work is the reality coming through. As thought you just put it out there, no inhibitions and tell it like it is, just as it rolls through the mind. It is captivating and so realable. This reminds me so much of mornings I've spent staring into coffee steam and pondering life's annoyances. Brilliant piece
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It's Been a long time but too the point.
I have always liked your work ( thats why i put u in my favorites list anyway) but I am really impressed with your growth. Your writing is getting so much more interesting. Its busy but realistically so like your hero mr tom waites and his hero Bukowski. They always had a knack for putting a sparkle on all those everyday ordinary things in life that we glance over.
They put the meaning back in the little things. And you do as well.
A Toast
Heres to the little things. -
Backgrounds are nice but they do detract at times from the words. Many contests now only want plain backgrounds, so it might be a good idea to get used to seeing poetry this way. Think this is one of the first poems I have read of yours, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. We all have days like this. Just when this goes on forever do we need to be worried, or have others worry for us. Easy to read and understand, like the use of space and the creative ending.
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No Background needed
Yeah, no background is needed. This piece totally stands on it's own. Very original. Thank you for writing it.
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Yeah on dial-up waiting for backgrounds to emerge is achingly painstaking, but it doesn't matter because this is a very very well done piece of work! I wasn't sure about this, but I like that it flows and 'reflects' a day, and thoughts. superb write!!!!
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amazing
i really enjoyed reading this. reminds me of Charles Bukowski's (my favourite poet)style of writing, very raw and real. i especially like the lines:
so I sit here smoking with my hair sticking out
and I count all my souvenirs
sorry i don't have any constructive critiques or anything. very good write.
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This style of writing is quintessential Sockmonkey- real, honest and slap-yer-face reality.
I hope you don't mind me taking the liberty of sending this to the "featured" gurus- it is worth passing a long.
Well done!
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Wow!!
Background or not...The words just grab and love how You mention...Pack of poison
and boy do I remember Carrie
Loved this!!
Happy to see that pen dancing...I was about to leave
a note on Your page that I was coming over if You
did not post something soon
j/k
Missed You!!
Thank You for sharing this!
Best wishes to You busy bee
Many blessings too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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