I slowly push the knife into my chest,
its the only thing that stops the heart ache....
I am an open wound,kissed by pain,fertilized by despair...
with a broken heart I spread my wings....
I am an angel of death....
The fake black hair falls onto my face,
I try to cover the coats of lies....
every night...
I wish my broken heart back to sleep,
with my kiss I put him to sleep.
the sweater covers the scars on my wrists,
I could have been like you,I could have smiled....
could have stayed foor a while.
what I am is nothing to life,
and what I am is nothing to remember...
as you can see my heart is in a tangle...
I am now the remains of a broken dead angel...
I breathed this worlds air,
I died long ago and nobody cared...
In time my face faded,
in time my soul turned to dust,
my name became engraved on a stone,
my soul is wandering,
I have no home...
God betrayed me for my families filth,
the feelingof an object at my fingertips,
has become a lost sensation,
the feeling of air in my lungs,was a priveledge....
and I.....
took it for granted,by holding a razor to my wrist.
All I remember,was the blood....
flowing beutifully along my tightly clenched fist.
I lost my air,
my soul in a scare...
I went cold,
I went to go lie on my bed...
this is what I said...
I am sorry,I hope life was all a bad dream....
I hope mine was all fake,I might as well go....
I have nothing left to take,God send me forgivness...
God listen to me pray....
I breathed this worlds air...
I will die and nobody will care...
in time my face will fade...
And I will turn to dust...
My name will be engraved on a stone..
and i'll....be waiting...
I'm gonna miss you....
I love you...
what you have is something to live for....
what I am is nothing to life...
what you are is something to remember...
what I am is something to forget.....
as you saw my heart is in a tangle....
you stand for what I was....
a suicidal angel.
Author notes
Scene-model
A contest entry
- Raven Qualifier - Dark: Anger, Angst and Goth by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 124 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Round 1: Hit me With your Best Pre-write. by edit my world..
425 points, ended October 20, 2007, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prose by whiterabbit..
335 points, ended March 4, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - dark poems, cutting poems by nyc-chica420.
525 points, ended March 17, 2008, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
This is very sad and well written. There are so many emotions pouring out of this piece. I hope things are okies. Great job and thanks for entering sweetie.
-
I don't know how you found me, but I'm glad that you did. Nine Degree Day is a step away from my dark side which so much of my writing entails. It was just time for a little hope. The scars on your wrists if they're real don't say that you're dead, they scream that you're alive! Forty-seven turns around the sun tell me that you have something to say. It's ok, just don't feel bad about saying it. I understand that by reading your home page and this poem i could be getting the wrong idea about you. But then again, maybe not? You have a voice and a place. Visit me anytime you want. I'm adding you to my favorites so we can communicate by our writing if you want to. RC
-
-
what kind of idea are you getting about me?that im depresssed or sumat?your right,but im also a very happy person.
-
-
ohh my god ur so good it made me cry
in so many ways
i love it
god i wish i could write like that
-
wow... just wow. this is the best piece of writing I have read for a long time I especially love these lines:
my name became engraved on a stone,
my soul is wandering,
I have no home...
you have a great talent, I love this! very well written
-
this was just so sad, and i know how this feels. When i broke up with my very first boyfriend, i felt like dying, i almost did my heart would just skip beats and it was awful. Then i went through a loner phase it was awful. But im all good now lol, sort of, i'm just refusing to fall so deep in love with my bf so i dont get hurt as bad as i did!
Anyway this was beautiful piece. Thankies for entering
++Finalist++
<3
The SPork Princess -
A love lost causes the most devastating feelings in people and I think this poem demonstrates just how bleak a person can feel and the lengths they are prepared to go to for relief from painful thoughts and memories. The author starts off by creating the image of an angel of death and returns to that image at the end of the poem but I personally think this idea could have been carried throughout the poem. I also feel that some of the lines are not in a logical order, for example line 19, “I died long ago and nobody cared...” and later in the poem, line 43, “I will die and nobody will care...” There are also some spacing issues that could be sorted out, particularly after the use of a comma, and also a few spelling mistakes. Some of the imagery is good and I liked the line “I am an open wound, kissed by pain, fertilized by despair...” I think the most abundant feeling I found in this poem is one of utter loneliness.
Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.
Northern Raven
-
i love it totaly made me teary eyed
-
omg that was amazin. i think you would b e a good song writer/singer. sometimes poets are people who failed at writing songs. i think you could be one of those who does both.
-
this is so beautiful!! i loved every second of it. keep writin ur amazin at it.
-
GREAT JOB!!
-
I like it. Good write.
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
