with the bitter of a bite,
I found her
deep between mysterycurls
begging
through suicide eyes
I didn’t want to blink
at the curve balanced
on my lifeline,
whimpered for warmth
like a cat
or an embryo
delicate
is the wrong word
for her shakings,
prematurely bloodless
and breaking to remember
its theft
she is
a shattered mirror
I can’t help but to reach for,
fingers trembling
to the beat of reflections
in her dark
lips crushed as dandelions,
petal-wide and
streaked
in shame, I long
for thread&needle
but I see
she has already found these
for herself –
it’s in the red
beneath her fingernails,
and the nevermore look
in her eyes
Author notes
I'm probably guilty of overfilling my favorites list too, to the extent that I can't read most of what appears on the list. But your poems I do tend to read. I hope this makes up for 273K which, on reflection, wasn't really up to your standards.
Also, I'd be interested on different views on what happened in this piece ~ I seem to be straying a little towards the incomprehensible, at the moment. It's notreal, by the way. Notme.
A contest entry
- Open House by Nicole Hanna.
2000 points, ended July 9, 2007, 39 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - aesthetic articulation [prewrites & apply.] by blackday.
2250 points, ended August 24, 2007, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Une saison en enfer by Aesthete.
1500 points, ended August 24, 2007, 62 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
I really did like the poem. I found the "shattered" to be on the verge of cliche, but your poetic voice is amazing. :]
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Your words have spun a wonderful piece of poetic artistry here. From start to finish I found myself intrigued by various phrases and word choice.....many uique to say the least. And the visuals are wonderfully vivid. Thank you for entering and good luck!
Blessings
Bel
-
it’s in the red
beneath her fingernails,
and the nevermore look
in her eyes
This was such a delicate, spider-silk of a write. The melancholy mists lingering even after the last word has sunken in...really a feast, one to be savored over ginger tea and afternoon sunshine.
Delectable.
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That stanza beginning with "delicate" is probably my favorite, simply because of that word alone following up the word embryo. The imagery was just so eye-catching, especially with it's very understated placement on the page. And don't for a minute think 273k was below my standards. I only have standards in as much as my mood changes. lol. This one, I might add, happens to fit my mood perfectly.
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