Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Dancing Alone

I am dancing with no partner,
in the grand ball room of both gender.
I am moving to different sides,
Couples are dancing with different steps.
Oh! I am the loneliest person on this planet,
for years after years dancing without a mate.
“Will you dance with me,” if I asked.
“I have a partner”, girls always replied.
So I dance without a partner,
I do not have any choice better.
Suddenly I find a partner,
My loneliness becomes a dancer.
My loneliness and I dance for the entire night,
We stopped when the eastern sky becomes bright.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 27 of 27

  • lyme disease
    January 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Oh! I am the loneliest person on this planet,
    for years after years dancing without a mate.


    loneliness is truly painful especially when we're down and needed that someone around...
    it's like playing the waiting game~ invoking a test of patience in a person

    but i wonder, why stop when the eastern sky is bright?
    was it to symbolize something? tell me.. ^^ thanks


  • intanglio2ring
    October 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I've danced with her before too!

    She's not to eager either!
    Great imagination for the prompt!
    Thanks for a great entry & Good Luck!
    Tang


  • ImogenSky
    August 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i liked this one. the ending was my favorite part....my least was the explanation of your loneliness, which maybe could have been more detailed? either way i loved this one!!


  • neon nightmares
    August 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    My loneliness becomes a dancer.

    Wow, this line did it for me. the applause is for this bloody brilliant line (and the rest of the poem, obviously)

    You write in such a different style to many of the poets I read on here. in a good way though.
    hugs


  • hilly
    July 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I think this is an interesting idea, but I'm not sure that you expressed it to it's full potential. It seemed like you just told a story. I think in poetry, the poem should tell a story but there should be some for the reader to interpret. I would also suggest maybe some specific stanza breaks, to give it a little more form.

    As I'm judging, I've been removing entries that I think could still use some work or just aren't what I'm looking for. Unfortunately, this is one of those pieces. Best of luck with your writing.


  • Prinzessin Lilliana
    July 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Very simple and beautiful

    Wow,so simple and pure,yet pretty much sad.We all have to dance alone for sometimes,but only till we find the right partner.However,some people do end up dancing to their own loneliness and bit by bit they start to get used to it.This is how the poem ends.I really liked the way u ended ur poem,er sad and heart felt.
    Well Done


  • eternalpoet
    July 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    4 Stars ****

    Hello my friend, as now I see, my neighbour.

    Friend 'cause I like to be friendly, and neighbour for I am from India. . Kamon acchi?

    I simply can't stop smiling at the simplicity this poem bears. Really, I just recieved your IM, replied to you, thought I would go through your page, then randomly clicked this poem and now I happy for I just read something different. Simplicity is the charm of this poem. I like it. So easy to grasp, and that makes the poem refreshing .

    Nice write, good work, thanks for sharing.

    Take cares and have a nice time. Just keep it up. Your humble little friend. - Vic ( who else? )


  • Beating gold member
    July 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow. this is so cool! And so original! Dancing alone and dancing with loneliness. I love how you really painted a picture with your words. It was like seeing a ballroom of people dancing. So cool!


  • silencethequestion
    July 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    good write. thanks for entering


  • Systems Malfunction
    June 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is good yet confusing. The ending seems forced. I would recommend working on more build up to getting a partner, because you spent so much time describing not having one. Besides this, this is a good thought-filled write. Good luck in the contest!


  • Sonofdead
    June 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I know this feeling. For the longest time, this is what I had. Then I got what I had stopped looking for a long time ago. Chin up. Some things take time, and its not something that you want to rush into anyways. Good write, and good luck in the finals.


  • Shapla
    June 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    SUPERB!!!!!

    This is soooooo beautiful....I love the following lines most
    "So I dance without partner,
    I do not have any choice better.
    Suddenly I find a partner,
    My loneliness becomes a dancer.
    My loneliness and I dance for the entire night,
    We stopped when the eastern sky becomes bright."

    This is done with great beauty and simplicity.Good Job.

  • piccola silver member
    June 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Lonliness as a partner. Unique and beautiful idea. thank you for entering the contest.

  • Leaving Today
    June 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    beautiful!

    This is beautiful with its sad note,. In beginning it seems like there will be something positive, but it turns out opposite in the end. Liked your poem.

1 - 27 of 27