downhill

what's happening again?
right, i'm falling.
down there is the ground. i imagine i'll get there eventually.

what about the things i should have done?
the things i should have said
places i should have gone
people i should have spoken to?
my responsibilities are sloughing off like dead skin
and i wonder if i ever cared about them in the first place.

still falling.
i can only see the brown colour of the ground i am racing toward
it is silent except for the rushing wind
and i feel as if i am gliding
rather than crashing down.

the things i missed out on
do i resign my loss to fate?
did i ever have them
or were they products of my fertile imagination
suggesting schemes and scenarios to my psyche
the career i would work for
the house i would earn
the children i would raise
the wife i would love.

the ground is closer now.
scale becomes apparent as the ant people in the canyon look up at my shape
plummeting through the hot, dry air.

did i contribute?
what good have i done for the world
have i ever been anything other than a self-serving, craven animal?
will my soul suffer when my earthly form becomes one with the dusty earth?
will there be any trace of me left after my body becomes a corpse?
i wish i had thought about these things before it became truly necessary to know.
i'd have a plan or an understanding
at least a concept of what will happen to me.
i feel lost and ignorant.

i guess it'll end soon.
i only see blank faces below me
but i imagine their expressions of shock
i wonder if they realize that i am a person too.
here it comes.

darkness.