I am on water
Doing more sinking than swimming
More drowning then breathing
Each bubbling gurgle
Pronouncing my struggle
To win back and regain
The surface
I am suddenly on land
Doing more searching then finding
More straying then advancing
Each quaking step
Declaring my disorientation
I don't need any more proof
Just to believe
Leaving my conceit behind
I finally say it
"Draw near blessed Jesus."
Author notes
I believe that God is there waiting for us to come to Him. He is just waiting for us to tell Him that we need Him. This is definetly a poem telling God that I need Him in every area of my life.
A contest entry
- Confessions by DareU2Byourself.
400 points, ended June 22, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Almost Anything Goes by bloodletter68.
300 points, ended March 13, 2008, 132 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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He IS there with open arms. And if He sees we can't make it on our own, He WILL give us a helping hand. I thought you expressed this very well in your poem. Thanks for sharing
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An amazing piece. Although not religious in any way I found this to be a fantastic poem. The first verse is quite powerful yet it leads smoothly to the second, overall a very inspiring write, superbly penned
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I think only someone deeply involved with their faith could play this part. it is simple but impressive
revealing yet appealing. I could even say, a prayer,
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sometimes we find ourselves under life's ripples and having faith in the heart does help to get us back on shore, a good piece showing the struggles we face at times.
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You know I really liked this...
(surprisingly, despite its devoutly religious nature).
I love how you show the transition from water to land, from drowning to being disoriented on land, keeping true to the style of the first stanza through to the second stanza.
I especially love the lines:
"doing more searching then finding
more straying then advancing"
Although I think, and I could be wrong here, but I think "then" should be "than"...
Otherwise, wonderful!
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I'll be honest; I'm not religious at all, and anything on here about God/Jesus usually doesn't effect me. But this was so amazingly done. Maybe it's because I've come to that point before, and now I'm working at getting back to that place. Anyways, just wanted to say it's amazing. Phenominal job.
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So... is your confession that you need Him? Adding to your Author's notes about this will be good enough. Anyway. I like the parallel form in this. Beautiful write. Thanks for sharing and thanks for entering my contest. Best wishes. Take care.
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