Little phantom in the clouds
where the smoke and smog shroud
the world as you watch me fall
Here the wicked weep,
the dead and lonely sleep
Cascading off the shallow end
kiss the optimist
and say good night
I'm burning blue as I fall
until shadows consume me
Virtue lost within the wound
How many colors radiate
from consciousness's bruise
as corpses freeze in innerspace
the chasm of this godless race
Falling through frozen air,
the most obscene visions,
the diseased transgressions
permeate the darkness
and spread across the sky
I'm burning blue
I'm turning blue
Slipping into this exile
the smoke and smog
damnation's black smog
I fall over you
turning blue, burning blue
Go back to sleep
little child
Death will be here
in just a
little while
Falling through the Inferno
the caged fires
where black lambs burn
and the wretched crawl
to seek asylum
in heaven's soul
Chanting rituals
in the smoke
as I fall
and burn away
I'm falling over you
turning blue, burning blue
A contest entry
- Falling off a cliff by Cerulean Sunrise.
450 points, ended June 18, 2007, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Wow... My Step Dad apparantly liked this write as well Nate... you got honorable mention and it's well deserved! Rock on! xoxo Meg
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Well done
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I like this.
I am happy to see I'm not the only one using rhyme in freeverse. I feel when it is used effectively, it can add a lot of emphasis to what you are trying to get across to the reader. And you emphasized that well.
On top of that, the repetition was effective too.
Lately your poems seem to be inspired by fire/burning. Why is that?
It's sort of like my obsession with nature being in my poems.
But I like the whole smoke theme... it appeals to me.
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