He stands in quiet shadows near the shore.
This Loch his home, a thousand years or more.
His grey green scales reflect the evening light.
He must be careful, keeping out of sight.
Each day he hides from visitors who flock.
They hope to see this Nessie of the Loch.
I wonder what he thinks as night draws near.
Perhaps he always lives his life in fear.
One day they’ll find him and what happens then?
Will he then get his freedom back again?
Will they cage him, and charge for men to see,
this creature who in numbers once roamed free?
There are so many stories we are told,
of monsters that were killed by knights of old.
But then they had good reason, so I guess.
Employed to rescue maidens in distress.
They’re hunting poor old Nessie just for fun.
Let’s hope that he’ll outwit them and live on.
Author notes
A first feeble attempt at heroic couplets,and not really the heroic classic that I had hoped for.
In a list
A contest entry
- Rhyme and Meter Workshop: Tales of Heroes by Epistomolus.
600 points, ended June 30, 2007, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Nessie by Frodofan.
475 points, ended January 25, 2008, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My Heart's in the Highlands by Aerlynne.
450 points, ended September 2, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Not an attempt at heroic couplets, you did succeed. I find this to be both touch and comical, perhaps the comedy comes from the wording of your presentation up until the end. It's like "Save the Whales", only it's "Save Nessie"! I like it!
Thank you for sharing, and best of luck!
~ Kit -
Pretty neat! I liked the almost loving way in which you spoke of Nessie. Nicely rhymed and congrats on the silver you've already won.
Thanks for entering.
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Very nice indeed. As I'm fond of saying, it takes a confident poet to accept constructive criticism, and you always impress me with your immense talent and your ongoing desire to grow. Thank you for your entry.
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I love this. Wonerful flow and pulls you in to feel for the Creature. A nice take on a great subject.
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Sweet and simple
An offbeat hero, but a hero nevertheless. Very lowkey sort of poem, with a quiet dignity.
Just a couple of suggestions on the meter.
His grey green scales reflect the evening light,
and yet he’s always kept out of man’s sight.
You have two spondees in a row at the end "man's sight." It might flow more nicely with something like this:
His grey green scales reflect the evening light,
He must be careful, keeping out of sight.
**
I wonder what he thinks as night draws near.
Maybe he always lives his life in fear.
Maybe is a trochee. Perhaps:
I wonder what he thinks as night draws near.
Perhaps he always lives his life in fear.
Beyond that, dear Nessie is a favorite, calls to my tartan blood...
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Superbly done...another form I have yet to try.
Wish you well with Nessie
Linda
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Lovely to see a poem about Nessie... though I always picture her as a girl monster. This whole thing made me smile, my favourite couplet being:
But then they had good reason, so I guess.
Employed to rescue maidens in distress.
Not an expert on rhythm or form myself, but it seemed to flow very nicely. Hope all goes well with the contest!
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You are not giving yourself near enough credit. This was wonderful in my mind. We have a monster in the Okanogan Lake in Canada called 'Oggo Pogo'. Perhaps they could hook up somehow, as I believe ours is a female leviathan. Best of luck in your contest!
David Michaels
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LOL, it's heroic enough, Go Nessie GO!!!...Scott
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