Flames that burn the very soul
pacified without control
firmly grasping every straw
to spread illusion more and more,
the reason is unreasonable
the logic is illogical
light and darkness are the same
to cause confusion is the aim,
from deep within the sound or sight
there glows the darkness of a light
within a breath the turmoil rears
with ever searching distant ears
brought forth and cultivated now
a multitude in every vow.
A contest entry
- Jealousy by Pete Greenslade.
450 points, ended June 23, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - +--+*+--+ Jealousy and the likes +--+*+--+ by Wulfareika.
450 points, ended October 3, 2007, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Jealousy is an Ugly Thing... by tabbykat10988.
1000 points, ended October 25, 2007, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Envy (prewrites welcome) by Danna Hobart.
400 points, ended January 27, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Jealousy has a capital J by cazzy71.
415 points, ended June 20, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Passions of the Heart (Hate, Envy, and Jealousy contest) by MYsecondchance.
1100 points, ended June 27, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Feel it Without Saying It by Rhiannan.
700 points, ended July 10, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - JEALOUSY by cazzy71.
888 points, ended August 13, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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again
You entered in my earlier contest,jealousy has a capital J,and I commented twice then,this time I will just say,awesome. -
Wow this really does describe jealousy so well, the confusion and blind anger. The beat of the poem is so smooth. I normally don't like rhyming poetry, but this is done in a great way. Thanks for entering!
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Wonderful
Love the opening two lines,flames that burn the very soul,pacified without control. Favourite lines in a carefully constructed art work.Early days,but I have added you to finalists today.Immaculate reaction to the contest brief.Well done.Thankyou.
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Very true
Thank you for your submitance.I can relate to your thoughtful words. -
Thanks for entering.
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Hm
It's good interesting. It catches my mind to think about it. Its flow is very good. Nice job of getting the emotion. Good luck -
Wonderful write, you've captured the dangers of the emotion well. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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Interesting and unique. I like how it was simple and merely talked about the emotion, not so much a story.
Good job, good luck, and thank you. -
what do you mean when you say "pacified without control"
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Wonderful!
Lovely, perfect descriptions.
I loved the ending lines... so perfect!
Thank you for entering!
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WOW!!! i just have to say i love your flow and the words you use... just stun me... this is an amazing piece and it just decribes jealousy so well... and what it can do to you... fantastic job and good luck in the contest....
-tk -
wow this is deep! very nice
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there is an interruption in sound here;
"to spread illusion more and more" How about;
"to spread illusion [real and raw.]" That would eliminate the cliche sound of an exceptionally intense couplet.
"Flames that burn the very soul
pacified without control
firmly grasping every straw
to spread illusion real and raw.
"The reason is unreasonable,
[and] logic is illogical" (avoid the over-use of "the")
Other than those two areas the poems flow is fluid and the message astute, and resounding.
These lines are my favorite:
"from deep within the sound or sight
there glows the darkness of a light
within a breath the turmoil rears
with ever searching distant ears"
I enjoyed this poem.
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Wowswers!
it seems like you feel Jealous alot.. i know jealousy, man.. i hate jealousy so much. and i can just feel it. i feel jealous reading this.
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Great Write!!! I enjoyed it!! Keep up the good work and feel free to check out my page anytime!!
Jess
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a lovely insight into the emotions and density of jealousy.well expressed. best of luck in the contest
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^_^
it really does emphasize on the roots of the emotion -
Wow
I would say that you have a good take on this emotion.
Wishing you good luck in the contest.
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I really love to read your work it is very entertaining and enjoyable to read and it always has a message. great
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