I am lost within life's performing inferno...
Cornered within a creator's big top,
a marionette restricted by societies arm.
My soul breathes
for high-toned humanoids,
a conveyor belt of clowns within a
castaway circus.
An empty creation clothed within
facade disguised attire,
I parade upon the jurys tight rope
only to quit and juggle rejection.
Another day within a constraint,
recreation for a clones anguish,
self exemption wears a red nose,
a foreigner to cast out within
the madness of normality.
Author notes
Society has written the rules, to be excepted and not be sterotyped, but when the rules are broken "in society eyes' it is a crime.... back to the end of the line just my thought Lyre-Bird-
In a list
A contest entry
- You were born an original. Don't die a copy. (Now allowing prewrites) by Metaphorist.
600 points, ended November 19, 2007, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Something about this doesn't ring true for me. If you are indeed "lost within life's performing circus" you are part of the performance and accepting of the madness of normality, in which case your lament is just complaint, or you're observing it from the outside, not lost, just making a fuss about it.
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Interesting and original metaphor for society. The wording you used was perfect. Love the parts "juggle rejection" and "self exception wears a red nose" .
Thanks for entering and good luck!
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Oooh this one was very interesting, and I really liked it. Your words were very descriptive and it made the reader understand this poem very well.
"My soul breathes
for high-toned humanoids,
a conveyor belt of clowns within a
castaway circus."
What to say? They're basically incredible. It's amazing how your words just kind of paint this picture. This is a fantastic poem :]
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really interesting point of view. I liked your writing. Thank you for sharing. Keep up the great work. Peace and light always in all ways, Kendal
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yeah im thinking shakespear.... life is a stage... like actors we make mistakes etc while others watch good writing
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This is one of the best culture writes that I have read in a long time. Those who run in the rat race tries to perform to get the highest paid position.
To be honest I work with the cast away population they are so much happier. They truly understand the joy in life being who they are. They are not cold like fake painting. They raid ate true warmth and love.
They understand normal is a myth,out side you can show that your normal. In side where no one sees it, They not even normal. I truly think you portrayed part of our population and society feelings quite well.
This is very creative and original work. I truly wish you the very best on this final round. -
The observation you have made here touches on an interesting subject, i.e. the difference between laws, moors and norms that is itself a constant juggling act for any society. My fiancee and I met a man in a diner this morning and she had conversation with him where she related an opinion she has had for a while now: that we (the us) lives in a republic not, not a democracy. She is factually correct, but it caused me (along with reading this entry) to remember just what it is we give up by assigning our legislation to elected officals.
It is an interesting question to pose, considering how well things would work if we were all responsible for the goverment in a more direct sense. I have read essays on the likelihood of mob rule, but yet, no clear answer seems to be forth-coming.
At its heart this is an intellectual exercise, and hence, worthwhile in that nature. I will enjoy coming back to this in the following month.
Thank you for your entry.
~Das -
love this... such wonderful
sounds and ideas all woven together in such a unique and creative manner and the play on words in some places is just phenomenal!
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this has wonderful word choice and is really creative. i love it!
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Liked the metaphor used throughout this poem - the circus theme and the way you relate this to your life now. ARe we all just playing roles, and it it causing us mental problems? Congrats on the bronze trophy too,
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whoa, love it. I like how you wrote everything out. it was very beautiful. I love it. the words combined make so much perfectness. lol. that sounds weird. anyways, I like your poem.
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I really like the clown/carnival theme throughout the write. It was used in a dark way also which is an excellent commentary on the comedy and darkness of life. Very good.
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PLayful imagery red nose clows and the jury... the juxtaposition of variety of things commming randomly... nice work
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I think this poem demonstrates the frustrations that many people feel living in modern society, where conformity is expected and those who don’t are frowned upon and often ostracised for it. Inner battles take place when we feel justified in not conforming simply because society indoctrinates us from birth. I think the lines “I parade upon the jurys tight rope / only to quit and juggle rejection” show this effectively.
The circus metaphor used here is in my opinion gives a very realist ambiance to this poem as life can make us feel we are puppets having our strings pulled, dancing to someone else’s tune. What I like about this poem is that it will relate to each ‘performer’ on an individual basis and therefore have unique meaning.
Congratulations on reaching the final round of the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with this entry.
Northern Raven
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This is a fine example of great imagery and creative thought. The poem is well written with such an intense sophistication about it. A well composed piece of animosity, penned elegant. Thank you for your entry & Best wishes in the contest!
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What a brilliant line
"I am lost within life's performing inferno..."
Then to go on and read every line is simply wonderful. It has so much frustration of life's experiences crammed in. I am lost for wards to describe what I feel. Julie.
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"Those eyes of prejudice I fear them for I am alienize"
This is the most powerful line in the poem for me that caught my attention:
"Cornered within a creator's big top,
a marionette restricted by societies arm.?"
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this is an extremely impressive poem. every single set of lines has an important message and is filled with memorable phrases, and the last one ties it all together absolutely perfectly. "self exemption wears a red nose, a foreigner to cast out within" is my favorite part. wonderfully creative, expressed in raw yet meaningful sentences. no word is wasted. fantastic job. i can't find anything really to critique, other than that i wish there was more of it
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I love this. Such oh, such can't describe, its simply amazing through-out every word and every sentence, begins a new powerful line, filled with raw yet strong emotions and imagery. Loved it.
Thanks for entering final round.
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