The hillock they have made today
still mounds above the flatter ground,
the marker stone still gleams
from the hand of the stone cutter;
I will leave time for the rain and grass
to do their work,
for moss to claim the face of the stone,
now I have time, and patience.
For in the house and among all of the things
that sit waiting for the day to unfold,
all of the walls that would be leaned upon
the floor boards that report each step,
wait anxiously as do we tearful all, waiting.
They have sentient expectation not patience,
unwilling to abide the grass, and the moss;
the walls rebel and the floorboards curl,
neglected bed linens neat and undisturbed,
all hang so heavy in ripe expectation,
like the air in the empty rooms.
Author notes
Inspired by "Missing the Sea" by Derek Walcott
In a list
A contest entry
- Quick Pre-write Contest by Nicole Hanna.
300 points, ended July 9, 2007, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Burrowing a bit deeper...
Again, this is a marvellous marriage of words to create a smooth and luscious expanse of time in poetic ecstasy...
I note others have commented on this line in particular: 'all wait anxiously as do we tearful all, waiting.' I see what you are trying to portray here, though it does make your reader stumble and re-read it to get the flow, whereas the rest of the text has a millpond calmness in which to contmeplate your work.
Fabulous stuff. Methinks I'll have to add you to my favourites right now so I don't lose track of you in this huge AP family!
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PK, I apologize for the overdue comment. By now you must realize that with only 2 entries I'll be deleting the contest. However, I cannot let a good write go unnoticed and unrewarded, so after my comment I'll send some points for the effort and time I'm sure you allotted.
The tone in this piece is very reflective of that in Walcott's poem. By that, I do not mean it's a copy; simply that you clearly understood the theme and meaning, and produced a piece to share your own perspective regarding said theme.
There were a couple lines that didn't sit too well with me, and that's probably from a more personal approach to poetry in general:
'time have I now, and patience.' and
'all wait anxiously as do we tearful all, waiting.'
Those lines were of an archaic nature, which I don't particularly take to outside of dead poets (lol). More so, because the whole poem wasn't written in an archaic voice, so those lines definitely stood out in a less effective way.
Again, everyone probably won't agree since this is how I personally feel about it, and just thought I'd let you know.
Nehoo, I think I've rambled more than commented lol.
Thanks for running with this, and best wishes to you.
Stacy
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Thank You Stacy
in many ways this was a very satsifying experience, got to know a little about a fabulous writer, and i added to my writing: a sense of how Walcott sees things. The trophy and such are of no consequence; but the comment is very helpful. I agree those lines are in counterpoint to the style of the poem... PK
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Lovely. Soft. Natural elements that really call out to the reader. There's something immensely satisfying about reading about moss in a poem. Don't ask me why... especially since I appreciate nature from a distance... in my house. lol. Thanks for entering my contest.
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Haunting
Wow... This was superb! After you read my poem I figured I'd take a look at yours! I am glad I did! I love your diction! And your imagery is haunting as well. This poem is truly a tribute to Walcott.
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Thank you Marissa
coming from a scholar on the subject it is most gratifying, Walcott is an amazing writer, i did not know about him before this contest so glad i found this...PK
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A great poem
Silence befalls everything yet it screams for recognition
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This is Unique
It was a very poignant piece to read. Wishing you success in the contest. lol
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Well done with this piece and good luck to you
with it in the contest! Thanks a lot for
sharing it here!
Jeremy0826 -
I know that by reading your poetry
I am going to learn some valuable things...
This is stunning writing...Bravo.
Love, lane
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very lovely. sheeshish...am i sensing a peteskid comeback?? excellent job. enjoyed the read. good luck in the contest.
blu
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'For in the house and among all of the things
that sit waiting for the day to unfold,
all of the walls that would be leaned upon
the floor boards that report each step,
all wait anxiously as do we tearful all, waiting'
Still waiting but it has not no patience...for things to take place. I like this poem! Good luck in your contest ~Sie
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Serene
So beautifully etched in the sands of time and then the patient awakening with the dash of nature's daily food is a brillant colour to paint the reader's canvas..Superbly done..Shubs
. Rewarded 4
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Excellent piece, lovely chose of language with nice flow and form. This piece has a sadness running through the lines and a sense of hopelessness. Enjoyed very much. Hugs, Bunny
. Rewarded 4
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WoW! I'm impressed. This is so very powerful!
Well composed in flow and verbiage you have driven a moving emotion deep into my mind. I feel the sadness but it's done so "matter of factly" Amazing!
Love,
Amera ♥
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