Ernest in a feeble understatement
Of where we stand and were we ought to be,
Painful pleasant smiles now spark resentment
While love and warmth sear hopeful memory.
Embraced by arms with strength to strangle hope
And drowned in Nothings, Something’s ugly twin.
Smothered with a sweet and sour promise:
And Something takes some effort, Nothing wins.
Story writing’s never been so ruthless;
Fairytale or impending disaster?
One page tells of hags so gray and toothless,
Next- a Charming Prince and Ever After.
When I listen, it’s “I love you,” I hear,
Believing is the part I truly fear.
A contest entry
- The pain that Kills us by SoftlyScreaming.
450 points, ended June 19, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The very best you have (ROUND 1) by Xgeekdreamgonewrong.
340 points, ended August 12, 2007, 86 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
-
very well done! With a fable-like story that adds well to the endings impact.
-
3 claps...9pts
The Poetic Bandits
~Lilac
-
Excellent penning...
Brilliantly penned, full of double meanings, I am so impressed
they all cause that certain doubt to creep in...I think those special three words are said too freely nowadays too, not always meant in the way they are to be recieved...your last two lines say it all
Absolutely engaging in elements, content, flow and theme, along with a beautiful delicate balance of word choice...
Love and smiles
~Lilac
-
-
Belated, but thanks for reading and commenting on my poem
-
-
you deffinetly show alot of pain in this piece, an emotion I can deffinetly relate to at this time. a wonderfuly written poem
Good Write and God Bless
Unrequited Writer
Ben B. -
-
Thank your for commenting on my poem
-
-
This has many things packed into it. Story writing is ruthless? I can be I guess but I rather like the happily ever afters.
-
Good thoughtful write, wisely cautious, yet in the game. Relationships teeter on a fragile balance. Thanks for sharing my Bandit friend.
Dennis :^)
-
-
thank you so much for the comment
-
-
What can one believe, and are they ready ro believe it? Some are scared away by those three words, they fear them and turn tale and run when another tells them that. Sentiments well expressed in these lines - easy to read and understand what you are saying here.
-
Wow. I've read a few poems by you, but this one is my favorite so far. My favorite stanza is the second one. I like how you played your words on nothing, and something.
I think you tried to force to many words in some of the lines, which inflated it a little bit, but I still really like this one. Excellently penned. -
this is a well written poem. the rhythm and thyme are gresat. imagery is superb. thank you for sharing. keep writing! God bless you always
-
Great work! The last lines are well thought out and totally true, and the rest of the poem ain't to shabby either, Savvy? (i'm have a slightly piratical/bad grammer day, excuse me) Smashing work anyways, really great. and I want you to know "I was rooting for you the whole time, know that"
-
And drowned in Nothings, Something’s ugly twin.
OMG !!! I really love that line~ I love the write as well~ its really quite good! It's almost the yin & yang of poetry... The last two lines are out of this world! When I listen, it’s “I love you,” I hear,
Believing is the part I truly fear.
I think its true for every one! WHOOT this is a high flying home run! nice job!
-
-
thanks so much for the kind comment on my poem
-
-
A good write. Good imagery, flow and tone. Nice rhyme. Nice depth of feeling. Good word choice and alliteration. Best wishes in the contest.
-
well written love the flow of the lines and the imagery is great... love that last line oh the truth in it, best of luck in this contest !!!
-
oh yeah.. i really liked this one.. i dont know where im going to put you because i already figured out my top ten, but you are deifnately have to drop someones in order to put you in there.. this write is unbelievable, you have talent and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
-
-
thank you kindly. i appreciate the opportunity to be in the contest and appreciate taking the time to comment
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 19 of 19
