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Earth and Sky

                             

 

                              snow white pillars
                              form and play
                              dancing all night and all day
                              childhood dreams
                              suddenly appear
                              reminders of old and of the near
                              laying here staring
                              dreams will be found
                              as songs and musicals begin to resound

                              astucious winds gust
                              as ballrooms fade
                              until chandelier's light is portrayed
                              open sky breathes free

                              but the earth is warm and strong
                              radiating beneath the petals, where I belong



 

Author notes

pic inspired from Ninaraz
abc dbc ebc fbc

I wrote Beautifully Lethal from first contest.
decided to go light this time.

A contest entry

Please Applaud if you think it worthy, thanks.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • Austere
    September 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Good write. thanks for the entry. I will not require it, but I suggest that you take a look a line 13. it should be "skies breathe", or "sky breathes". good write, good luck.

  • emmanuel balderas
    July 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    hmm this is interesting, such a complex work this will take some time for me to analyze, its a very abstract piece. i hope i get the meaning right in order to do it justice

  • earthstar
    July 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love the flow of words. They have such great meaning. It truly leaves an impact to the reader. It more like having a great coffee with wonderful conversation. I love th last four lines. There a feeling of freedom in this words. It nice to have a feeling of belonging. This is an excellent work. I just want you to know. I truly appreciate your comments my friend. Have a great day
  • mama-drama
    July 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Hey, I just came back for a quick read.It will brighten my day, just like it did before!

  • whiterabbit.
    July 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This sounds so peaceful and I love it. Great descriptions and beautifully written. Great Job. ♥

  • unraveled
    July 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i really like the last two lines "but the earth is warm and strong/ radiating beneath the pedals, where i belong"

    you have a few typos- but overall good job. keep writing
    <3cassidy

    • IndividualEleven
      July 3, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I checked with spell check on microsoft word and didn't find any typos, can you point them out to me?

      • unraveled
        July 3, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        im not sure if you wanted "starring" to be staring, and pedals should be petals if you are referring to flower petals, which is what i assumed. also in the line "reminders of old and of the near" might flow better if you took out "the" and changed it to "reminders of old and of near"

  • HerbalGoat silver member
    July 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Great job, poet. Your flow is just amazing, though from the look of it, it might not have been. Interesting take of the poem as well. I like your ending, especially.

  • King Neirad
    June 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Firstly beautiful picture. Secondly I am stunned by the beauty of your poetry. Everything seems to fit together so well- the picutre the words and the music. I think you've got some kind of amazing talent to take us on such an amazing journey with such lovely words. I am in awe of it all. And you managed to do it so quickly. I was kind of disappointed when it ended so quickly, truth be told, but I think that the lenght kind of fits as well. Like a short distant dream. I loved reading it.

    . Rewarded 8


  • DeadlyTurnip
    June 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    I no i'm repeating some of the others, but this is very well written and does carry a sense of peacefulness. I love your rhyme scheme. My favorite lines are the first six.

    Good luck with the contest!

    . Rewarded 4


  • bedovich
    June 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    oh nicee workk this is so goood and well written well done dear

  • mama-drama
    June 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful picture!
    Your poem has a sort of peacefulness.I get this relaxed feeling of sitting somewhere quiet and alone, then looking at nature and letting the feeling engulf me.I loved the background too, something joyous about it too, and very playful.
    I like the comparisons between old and new, how this modern things just take you back...this is an amazing poem.
    Best of luck in the contest.You are a winner.

  • katscradle
    June 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    EXCELLENT

    GOOD LUCK WITH THE CONTEST

  • The Morning Sage
    June 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow!!! it is a beautiful poem! just absolutely beautiful! i especially love the first 3 lines, they're my favorite. i think it fits the picture perfectly! great write!

    . Rewarded 4


  • Shirley Shaw
    June 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent Poem,Indeed

    Brilliant!!! Loved Every Word Of It. Great Poem...'God Bless You'.Love, Shirley ann shaw-raytown,mo.

1 - 18 of 18