the greens of trees
deepen as we cross
Carolina
shading the sins of the south
from the sun's eye,
or maybe God's
or maybe your sins
maybe that's why you
stay nestled
in the shade and
sweet tea
of green-green
Alabama,
we can't see you
from here
you never
show your teeth in pictures
but
I bet they're small and
mostly
straight
you never show your guts
in words,
maybe they'll simply
stain
in shapes of hands
my skin
you'll touch me,
one day
shade
deepening
as you travel
mostly I just want to know
what you think when
you're not speaking
what you feel when
you're not thinking
words are all we have from
so far away
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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this is lovely. i loved the imagery and the emotion. i know what it is like to have a long distance love affair and you captured that longing and uncertainty effortlessly here. this is a wonderful read. - NANGALEEMA
p.s. and in response to a comment way below about the sweet tea - i live in tennessee now and lived in alabama for almost a decade and i can personally back you up on the sweet tea thing - we drink a lot of sweet tea!
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An interesting write I'm not certain you refer to shade, shadows or a distant loved one. Still I enjoyed reading the piece. Happy trails
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I liked this but was confused by the state references which elude a mere Englishman and seem also to have set a cat among the pigeons with US readers.
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there a deep longing within this where it shows love for only companionship or one simply being held.
I understand this only too well!
Keep penning on one stroke at a time! -
I sense a certain waiting in this, you're obviously expecting someone, maybe you've never really met. There's an uncertainty i to it, and curiosity, who will this person you might have talked to (online maybe, we meet so many without actually meeting them), but you've never seen what their eyes say.
"what you think when
you're not speaking
what you feel when
you're not thinking"
Words can mean so much, and here you're capturing that - at least to me - well-known feeling of not really knowing who the person typing/writing those words really is.
It was a true pleasure to read, and re-read your poem in order to see a story behind those very pretty words that aren't boring, cliché or forced out. But that's just my story. Yours might've been another.
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There is more here than at first meets the eye
well worth reading.
Any reason no punctuation? I don't think a period, a comma, or few marks like that would hurt.
So you are from the South? I lived in South Georgia, Louisiana Acadiana, Memphis, and just north of Clarksville, Tennessee.
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It's too floaty to weigh it down with lots of punctuation, so I used line breaks instead whenever I could get away with it.
Commas imply a pause or augmentation to a thought, and periods imply a break between them - I wanted this to be as fluid as possible, day-dreamyish. Like underwater poetry.
And yeah.
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huh?
Iam from North Carolina what are you talking about?
The coast and mountains have been bought up by yankees
and no one sips sweet tea any more we use sweet and low I gather this is a slavery throw back. banging my head against the wall I did not live then I would not have done that. -
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...it's love poem.
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I like this poem....you did a great job. keep up the good work and feel free to check out my page anytime!!! Jess
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There are some really fine images in this poem - starting with the trees shading sin from the sun and God and continuing to the 'think when you'r not speaking ...feel when you're not thinking'. The poem remains a touch obscure, in terms of the vaguely accusatory tone - 'your sins' and 'stain ... my skin'. The poet seems to presume on a relationship, has seen a photograph and yet doesn't know what the subject's teeth look like. An internet correspondence, perhaps?
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Interesting, soft and a focused poem. The explanation for your poem is in the tip of the tounge. I can't explain but I can feel it.
The shade of care and love.
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