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~Pulsing Susurration~



~*~

pulsing susurration
sounds riotous evil
beings without fervor
or being distraught

with dissension
where peace abode
incursion is in motion
as immoral junctures

organic forces collapse
as officious ebullience
makes our surface loss
so palpable

vicissitudes intentions
are waxing cold
burgeon deviltry
passes all comeuppance

our standing purpose
is wanning


~*~



Author notes

For contest "Ages 13 and Under ONLY ---- Abstract Poetry"
PICTURE INSPIRED (darkness taking over our space in the world)
Age: 12

For Contest "Word Bank Anyone?"
WORDBANK INSPIRED:

distraught, fervor, organic, abode, officious, ebullience, vicissitudes,
susurration, riotous, palpable, incursion, juncture, burgeon, comeuppance, dissension

(my Language Arts isn't THAT skilled -being 12- so if someone can help me on how the tenses are supposed to go, it'd be an awesome help.)

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Frozentearz
    June 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for joining in our contest we hope that you will join us in the next round, there are two more wordbanks before the winners of all three compete against each other, hope to see you keep trying,
    Warm thoughts
    Tearz


  • PinstRIPedZOMBIE
    June 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i read it and thought some of the words were kinda forced than i read it was a word bank. VERY well done for anybody not just a 12 year old like most people are saying, very good job.


    • RIP Whoever
      June 19, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      well it was supposed to be a speech when evil takes over the world... i could have made it flow more smoothly, but the person was supposed to be broken up about it.... like not so calm~

      thanks though.


  • Amunet Wolfbane Moderators member
    June 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    oh woot! Rock on! this is awesome!


  • Frogzter gold member
    June 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is absolutely amaizing for your age and I think you have got the tenses just right in this one! Thanks for playing along and best wishes in the contest!

    Blessings,

    Frogz~

  • Frozentearz
    June 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I'm not sure how a pre-write got entered into this since there is no pre-writes, but alas it did and I can see you have reworked the poem, So I won't be booting it out And I must say amazing job for only being twelve
    Well done and thanks for sharing,
    Warm thoughts
    Frozentearz

    • RIP Whoever
      June 17, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      oh well, i was gonna explain why it was a prewrite.. i guess i should have.

      the other contest it's entered in, is a abstract poetry contest for 13 and under yada yada yada. and i wanted to work off a wordbank. but that contest itself didn't allow prewrites. so i had to enter it into that contest before i did this... cause... it said prewrites were allowed.

      but i wrote this off of the word bank, like the contest asked and entered each contest a minute apart from each other..... i hope it's legal.

1 - 7 of 7