There are creases in the petals, that wet death
appearance in folds
on the thin surface of color.
She fingers them individually; one petal,
two petals, a half dozen and they fall
her toe-nails are painted pink, poking out
from leather strapped sandals. Petal squeezes
between two of the lesser toes
holds itself still in hope she doesn't notice
walks toward a destination in which it desires to go--
perhaps a field, where it can finish dying
surrounded by its kith and kin. Or at the edge
of a lake so it could cripple-crawl
to the water, float into the illusion of sun.
There is no need to know it was the last of her hope.
'He loves me. . .
. . . he loves me not'
In a list
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Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Interesting. Your style has changed much in this last year alone. You've got a more quiet and determined voice and I like that. I don't care for the background color but that's me.
Anyways though, I would be remiss to not say that your work is really coming along beautifully Meli.
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My favorite read tonight...
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*gasp* The last couple lines knocked my socks off.
What is "by its kith and kin"?
Wow.
Cheers. -
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"kith and kin" is just an old fashioned, fancy way of saying 'friends and family'...
thank you for commenting.
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so nicely done, a wistful travail of a petal, imagery done very well and the writing is expressive and not overdone...excellent...PK
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a very creative concept. like the unique perspective on this familiar "game" and the concise description
"her toe-nails are painted pink, poking out
from leather strapped sandals."
some really stunning lines in this.
"on the thin surface of color"
"cripple-crawl
to the water, float into the illusion of sun."-an amazing image.
i feel in some places the "flow" of the narration in this is a bit jagged, the tenses:
the "can" and then "could" with the field and lake which otherwise seem parallel.
"holds itself still in hopes she doesn't notice
walk toward a destination in which it desires to go--"-the transition to the second line of this is a bit rough to me when i read it, perhaps "and walks toward a destination..." or even jumping straight to "and walks to a field..." might work, just an idea.
"There is no need to know it was the last of her hope."- the phrasing, with "is" "was" seems a bit awkward, actually maybe not, but an unneccesary line i think, since the ending captures this perfectly by itself. the heart-dropping
"'He loves me. . .
. . . he loves me not'"
(i love your ending)
we are left wondering, the petal between her toes with its own desperate hopes that echoe the unspoken ones of the girl/woman, which you have nonetheless captured in those two lines. clever twist on this, and wonderfully written. -
When you going to start making the professional circuit?
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depth of falling
Deep and sad this poetic tale of a petal and love, mingled with despair as a fallen sun into the depths of water so deep...not just good this poem it is a masterful verve of despair with all its colors of
human feelings and darkness..a metaphoric journey,,inspiring other poets.
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I love that you personified that one petal, really excellently done. And the ending is rather sad, but almost secondary to the pain of the petals, as they are plucked. I'm glad I found this piece!
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this is lovely nice use of enjambment. very descriptive, I love it!
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very good, lovley ending. Sorry it's too late at night and I can't write more now.
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simply a tear-jerker
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"There are creases in the petals, that wet death
appearance in folds
on the thin surface of color."
Such vivid, intense imagery from the very beginning, all the way through to the last line...Sorrowful & lovely penning, Meli...I wrote one years ago about pickin' petals from daisies in a search for love; it was a strange one. I'll see if I can find it & send ya the link, just for giggles. 
Sighhh...The thing about hope is that it constantly renews itself when we aren't even looking, my Friend. Never surrender. Gorgeous penning, as always. 
Wanda
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beautiful., I don't know how you do it...You can create such emotion with your poetry. It is amazing....I am in awe as always...You are so talented , my dear friend...
Lynda
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I Like It
This is a very good flow well adapted nicely penned poem and what I realy like the most about this poem is the beautiful flow and depth. any ways good to see ya posting poetry again despite your busy schedule that sometimes leaves ya forgetting us
any ways nice work and keep on penning away the words we call poetry
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I really really like this poem, Meli. The description is so detailed but it kept my attention, you make it sound unique. It is forward enough, I knew from the beginning you were talking about that "loves me, loves me not" thing". I'm not yet sure how I feel about the insertion of the game's actual lines at the end of the poem, but the way you wrote it surely is effective. I also enjoyed the title very much... I could tell from the title and some other lines that the last petal was a "he loves me not". I love the subtle allusion to crying, and the way the dying flower seems to reflect in the girl's feelings. Very nice.
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