Lain against the crags
regurgitated in foam from the sea
Tendons torn, bowels ripped
agape like a platter of sweets
Jagged edges rifting through cranium
morbid décor enticing hordes of fowl
Optometric orbs bungee jumping from pierced sockets
leering into a red pool of a heart pulsing
Entrails spilling into kelp
stinging salts biting and iodizing open fiber
Lost in life, treasures become memories
crimson stained carcass alive with death
Frenzied feeding flies spitting acids
while death arrives resting
A mind living in fragments
jawbone broken and unhinged
Tongue pierced by beaks
attempts to scream spills crimson pools
Bubbling life erupting from mangled host
Death devours, saving life for last
I wait
Author notes
This piece is speaking of the final step into death. Laying there waiting for the inevitable, during that instance before mind and spirit depart. At what point does consciousness end? What thoughts go through the mind of critically wounded before death arrives? This is a personification from the graveyard. Graveyards intrigue and even scare many.
A contest entry
- _.:*~*:._.:*~*OPTIONS: BIG POINTS*~*:._.:*~*:._ by Erika Elektrikka.
2200 points, ended March 12, 2008, 28 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - And its coming right for ME! by speakno3vil.
355 points, ended April 26, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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This is quite profound. Rather intriguing actually. The imagery in this is amazing. Great job on this.
Goo Luck,
Erika
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Oh wow, that imagery is just amazing! Deffinatly one of my favorites!
Keep up the amazing work, you've got a real talent!
xx
V/E
PS Good luck in the contest!
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very descriptive, this piece makes you see the pictures clearly. thank you for entering my contest
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Since English isn't my maternal language, I had to get my dictionary to look up a few words (but I don't mind that at all since it's a great opportunity to expand my English vocabulary
)
You have done a pretty good job with this poem - definately love the images you have captured within the lines.
Good luck in the contest!
Leander -
This is a perfectly rendered piece on a very tired subject. Somehow you've managed to create an original take on this...so often I read the poetry of these young, angst ridden teens and its obvious to me that they know nothing of pain. You bear the mark of a tortured soul, as you speak truth with a touch of familiarity. I wish you the best...
S. -
yay!!!!! death, my favorite. I did'nt think off it as twisted, I thought of it as beautiful.
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I really liked this poem. The background and text made it impossible to read though. You might want to change the text color. But, indeed, a great write!
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Dear me
This was quite interesting to read. It was quite gruesome you know. I do not know if you are death, the grim reaper, or the grave yard... could you clarify for me please by adding it to your authors notes for me. Thanks for entering. Kassie -
Excellent imagination!
I give your imagery a 100% thumbs up! There is a severity in it that some pictures that u have painted are grotesque in nature..I love the last line where u await..there is forced patience feel in it which is good..the only suggestion here is linking images..this is an abstract piece all right..but there is sometimes like no attachement with the poem in some lines! But this is awesome according to me at the same time..try inserting some dark background to get the dark feeling!
Thanks for entering your write!
good luck!!
luv
pri
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Gruesome imagery!! I love it! Very detailed imagery you pen in your work I see. Very good! Thank you for entering!
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This sounds really freaky. I could never drive around the country for one, I can't drive and for two, I would be terrified by all the realities I'd find out there and even [as you've shown here] the maybes are pretty damn freaky, as you never know, do you?
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Holy, that was morbid! The description you used was unique and really effective... man this poem is freaky and horrifying and... eek!! Well, it's good though, really good! Not much writing can scare you like that. Awesome poem! Oh and very good luck in the contest... your poem IS pretty dark and demented, ha ha!
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Bloody. Gory. Thanks for entering and good luck.
Megan -
Interesting. I liked the whole thing. The set up was nice and i could almost see what you were writing.
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