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Prowling Cat

a prowling cat
prevents the mice
from getting fat

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • bird at rose
    August 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Funny, think of bunny

    I have just now stumbled onto one of those rare haikus that have two thoughts in it, and obviously am thanking you for that by commenting.

    As simple as this lil ABA poem is, mind imagery is used nicely.

    "a prowling cat
    prevents the mice" makes me wonder why it would use the word, "prevents." Maybe, it could be something like, 'prevents the mice from living.' (I'm not giving suggestions, just slowly complimenting you for your aha that expanded the story to specifics lol).

    Then, the aha melts the clouds off so to speak and the sun of the true meaning is now shining.

    "from getting fat," that last line is where the humor should and has come in. These rodents would either run for their lives burning calories and win (live), or get eaten and not have the time to get heavy.

    I hope I get the chance to keep commenting on your tracing outwards words work,
    Daisy


  • acqua
    June 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    lol, how true! clever and witty cat-ku, just a delight!
    I wish you good luck in the contest and all the best!~


  • Harrisham Minhas
    June 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thats so funny!
    Well written.

    Harrisham Minhas


  • NoWayJo
    June 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I wonder why those skinny-skinny mice when there's a fat cat in the house? Maybe this image will explain just why:

     

     


    Thanks for the great entry to the contest, Bill!
     
    Jo