So Anna and I
drove that old Buick
through the sideways rain,
down by Deviation lane
to the jail house.
Past the road house,
Beyond the coffee house,
Then stopped by the farm house,
to twist one up,
for when we bailed out Jeffrey.
I'll never forget the sight
of that broken down soul,
standin in the rain
outside the jail house gates.
It was just a belly full of beer,
and a couple of angry women
that landed him there
in the first place.
We wondered why we bother
with this hopeless spirit.
Old Jeffrey owed everybody,
He used his arm for a pin cushion,
and his legs for losing the heat.
The heartland maniac,
tryin to hit the big time.
A blind man with a gun,
broke and hungry.
The original loose cannon,
With a heart as big as the sky.
That old Buick was the roof
over our heads
we always prayed for.
The vast endless highway,
it was all that we had left now.
Jeffrey had no one but us.
We just had one another,
But oh how we laughed.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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awsome
your opening is incredible makes my imagination fly and started to be in that buick myself the way you wrote it made me feel like i was there.
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So Anna and I
I love how you started it off like you were having an actual face to face type conversation.
very nice.
Amazing imagery, wonderfuk description.
thanks for entering,
good luck -
'Me and Bobby Mcgee' in the Bermuda Triangle
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Absolutely adored it!
So Anna and I" I loved the way you started this out...it grabbed my attention immediately.
Bravo and well done!
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very good
your way of characterisation is brilliant -
No, this is probably one of the best pieces I've read in a while. It is simple in it's small complexities.
You painted a picture not only with imagery but with so much voice. Then this picture just unfolded and then similar experiences that I've had unfolded and needless to say... this is a good example of how to reach an audience.
Thank you for a GREAT read!
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Love the storyline here my friend, this is beautiful. Love the imagery, the language is supurb as it lives and breathes upon the page, very fine stuff! Loved it.
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no words.
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Ok
Much more meaning here for me. after what you have told me. life experience. that it what gives a poet his strongest writes. there are many dimensions to your work I am finding. I have been back to read many over and over... learning from you brother... this is the bar for how it is done all here could benefit from your grand examples. I will be afar better poet for finding you here among the dabblers of the poetic word. like the cream you rose to the top where I found you quickly. only a few weeks here to nerrow it down from hundreds. there are others here but few they are who can rise to such art. -
What a touch
these stories are so riviting. I can't peal away until I have finnished very nice with your style. Novelist could be one of your life accomplishments if it is not already. well written
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Great....
Amazing...I love how you describe these people!! I dunno if i'd wanna meet them though lol...
congrats and keep wright i'll be looking out 4 more
tibby -
Why do all Jefferys match this description? Lol.
Very nicely written piece. Felt like I was on the highway with you guys. And how sweet of you to twist one up for the guy. I really like this, good job, keep it up!
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mmm. i hadnt read this one.
i like that you ended it on a happy note.
and as always, you story-telling prowress
is second to none.
and oh how we laughed.
and laughed, and laughed. -
But oh how we laughed
Lowell,Lowell,Lowell. You make me want to hit the highway with you guys. you're one hell of a storyteller. the more i read your writing the farther
back in time i go to when i was a 70's flowerchild.
but i'm lovin every minute of it.
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this is another favorite for me, love it, i was there!!
i love the way you do that!! x
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I like this.
Poignant, and colorful. -
Your such an incredible story teller. I always feel for all of your characters. Your style creates an atmosphere that evokes a response from every sense, which is a talent found in only a very few.
This is wonderful!
Always,
V
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You are an amazing weaver of fine tales Liam. Always entranced with your imagination and that you would open the door and invite us in to your wonderful thoughts is quite delightful. Thank you for this piece, I am sure Jeffrey is quite grateful. Much love Mr. Liam!
Kelly~
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ahhhhhhhh
The story is beautiful. A great storyline. The imagery made me feel like i was actually there. Watching as it all unfolded. Wonderfurfully selected last line. Fit it well.
ing alone,
Mylee -
poor Jeffrey
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I loved the story line to this and the last lines were great. Yes you can have joy when all you really have is eachother. An inspiring write dear poet thank you for entering and good luck in my contest.
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What I really like about this poem is the sense of intimacy it creates with the reader. I felt as if I were part of this band of wanderers...simply grateful to have a roof over my head, even if only the roof of a time-worn Buick.
Really made me stop and think how unthankful I can be..the Good Lord gives so many blessings I routinely take for granted, as if I am entitled somehow.
But really, it is in sharing our good fortune with others (such as Jeffrey) that we recall just how undeserving we are ourselves. If it wasn't for the grace of God...well, we'd all have been left on the side of the highway to fend for ourselves long ago.
Much love...Tabby
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I am loving it. Great imagery. Can almost see them at the farmhouse twisting one up to share with Jeffrey....too funny....you write beautifully!
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aw man..this is amazing work...
Now I know that my comparison to Morrison was no fluke. These words are as powerful and poignant as any of those I so love by Bruce Springsteen, or Bob Dylan, or so many other wonderful writers.
So nice to read such good stuff.
Mat
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I love this one!!I'll comment it again! I always enjoy your poems...
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I really liked the in-depth emotion that really got you picturing the scene.
This was a marvelous poem.
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this poem is really good. i like the first stanza quite a bit. and i really liked the end to this poem. and it was different. lol. like, a different kind of star crossed lover tale, but it was still good all the same. keep up the good work!
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Smartly done
I agree with a previous poster. The first stanza really draws you in.. Nice job. -
I liked the story this told. Reminds me of some of the old black and white movies I used to watch although I'm not sure why. You did a good job with flow and word choices. I like this piece.
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Sounds companionable to me, like Jeffrey could still provide you with laughter and friendship. A great country sort of write with some vivid detail adding flavour.
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