I
bite
down
hard
on
quivering
lip
relieving
its
tormented
trembling
Softly
I
whisper
through
rapture
A
confession
Heart
skipping
beats
Hesitation
in
silence
Words
sinking
through
unblinking
eyes
Each
revelation
unforeseen
Soon
foreshadowing
the
inevitable
end
A
pleading
hand
I
extend
into
the
colorless
void
between
our
baby
blue
souls
Tears
pool
in
minds
eye
where
picture
book
memories
dwell
Fluttered
thoughts
into
background
fade
Revealing
our
midnight
blue
goodbye
Author notes
For Julie's contest, written by Imperfezione Bella and myself as an interpretation of "Distant Tears":
http://allpoetry.com/poem/3055602
-Ashley, thank you for doing so wonderful with this one, and next time you're not going to be so stubborn and make me enter. You deserve just as much credit. I had fun writing another, and I doubt this will be the last.
If you find this in the feature section, please be kind enough to comment on it. Thank you.
In a list
A contest entry
- Have you had Distant Tears? by Whoochi.
900 points, ended June 25, 2007, 30 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
If you find this in the feature section, please be kind enough to leave a comment. Thank you so much.
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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this is a bad piece to display to onez eyez. the whole piece is sizzling let me say i have never thought collaberation could be thiz dazzling.
I
bite
down
hard
on
quivering
lip
relieving
its
tormented
trembling
Softly
I
whisper
through
rapture
A
confession
Heart
skipping
beats
Hesitation
in
silence
Words
sinking
through
unblinking...
enjoyed thiz -
A wonderful collaboration
This is so beautiful and yet so sad. One word per line is excellent and shows drawing it out to the inevitable end. Nice work. ~Pamela
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Wow, very very good. I'm kinda lost for words! everything was just so descriptive... it was almost like watching a movie, except better. Wonderful write!!!
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I liked this very poem very much, it spoke to me somehow
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Very wonderful!
I really like your usage of "our baby blue souls". I enjoyed reading this. -
lovely
I'm not sure why really, but this piece pulled me in somehow. I enjoyed it. -
This piece's emotion flows so well...and the pulse itself actually works O.K. even though it is only 1 word per line. The passion and sorrowful leaving feelings enaminating from this piece in clear, beautiful words: a masterpiece of sorrow
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OK, you know Ash, I am big on structure of a poem and you both nailed this one..."Fluttered thoughts into background fade." Man! wow! And you know I love the use of non-necessary words...so ya double whammied me with this splenid piece. Bravo to both of you...this almost made me cry again...Best of Luck, TY for entering...both of you...
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very very deep and insiteful. a great poem!!
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baby blue AND midnight blue
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very very deep and insiteful. a great poem!!
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bravo
Chock full of poetic pharsings, very, very, short lines (too short?) a tad arcane, but I liked this poem a great deal... bravo... bravo ... bravo...
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This is really good. I like the shortness of each line and the story behind it. The words express such beauty behind them.
You two did really good. Keep it up! -
The flow in this piece was amazing. And I love its unique format. The words you speak hold so much meaning that each time you read it you can get something new from it. Thanks for penning and keep writing. Good luck in the contest.
God Bless
Plzdiefasterlove -
Enjoyed the flow and the brevity of the lines - a great interpretation of the poem that serves as inspiration in this contest. Could this be a final goodbye, dealing with death, or a tragic circumstance whereby one has to leave the other out of obligation or some other such reason? Lets us make our own conclusion.
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"where
picture
book
memories
dwell"
this was one of my favorite lines in your poem! i love the comparison you used and the fealing you put into this!
"Revealing
our
midnight
blue
goodbye" this was my favorite part! it is so sad yet so beautiful!
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Wondrous
The formations, the flow, the feelings bravo, great poem sometimes i got stuck in which tempo to read it but thats probably only me!
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It was a different format than I'm used to, but I liked the flow as well. I really appreciate the feedback and kind words. Thank you for commenting.
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oh wow, wow, wow. i love the format, i love the deep emotions behind this and it is packing with an emotional charge
very vivid visuals. you two have done a wonderful job here best of luck in this contest. be well and be blessed
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Thank you so very much for your kind words. We both enjoyed writing this very much, will have to do it again. Still need to make my way over to your work, and promise to do so. Glad you enjoyed this, and best wishes.
Ryan
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Beautiful. The flow went so beautiful like a wave in the sea, carrying away its reader. Lovely job!
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I'm glad you enjoyed this and the flow, though not my doing, but wouldn't have worked so well otherwise. Thank you for the generous compliments and applause.
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I HATE GOODBYES!!! This captures the complete essence of inevitabley having to say goodbye to someone that you really dont want too, like an airport goodbye, this heartbreakingly sad, an amazing write by 2 AMAZING poets but it still breaks my heart!!!
Helen
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I hate goodbyes too. Makes it even worse if the goodbye is prolonged and you hold on without letting go. Thank you for your wonderful words and compliments. Ashely deserves just as much credit. She's an amazing writer.
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No matter what, I am proud of the work we've done together. Thank you so much sweetie!! Good luck!
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This won't be the last. Too much fun writing with you. Thanks for helping put this together. It's as much yours as mine.
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This is wonderful. While I'm much too tired right now to do a deep interpretation of this or to give this the credit it deserves, at first glance, I think this is another fantastic collaboration. My hats off to the both of you and I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
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Nah, not interpretation necessary, I'm glad you enjoyed our little piece. Had fun writing with, Ash, again, and we'll definitely have to do more. Thank you very much for the kind words, truly appreciated.
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This was an outstanding piece. Good luck in the contest.
Soulful Woman
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Thank you so much for the generous compliments and I'm glad you enjoed this.
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