i want to
take your hand
and clench my fist
soft like a peeled snake
around it,
feel the texture
of every atom
with the fragrance
of trees disposing of rain,
i want to sing to you
every song that
the stars in each
joint of your fingers
would whisper to me;
i want to
sit with you
like this –
those hands
would lie against
my left cheek
disclosing no secret,
we would watch each other –
your pupils comfortable
in the bed of my teenage years,
while mine would be
cosmically enlarged –
and i would not
tell you anything,
anything about a purpose.
Author notes
Written June 14, 2007
Listen to me perform this at http://myspace.com/lemonadesoul
I'm aware this is one of my most cliched poems. I may or may not apply any suggestions made, but I welcome any feedback/criticism.
In a list
A contest entry
- Hands by theredcatjazzoflove.
650 points, ended June 15, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I WANT LOVE!!!!!! by Brave Bear.
450 points, ended November 9, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Valentine Poetry... a contest for teens age 13 to 18 by Melodies.
600 points, ended February 12, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Honestly, does this poem suck?
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Cliche?? Tell me where?
Hey, anybody who uses the word "snake" like you did just totally rocks. 
A cool poem. 
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Very good, honestly, i like it alot. Thank you for entering, and best of luck.
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Verry nice and sappy the whole holding hands and everything
Good Luck -
I dont even
deserve to be reading such great words here this was a very very greay write hear you capture some deep structures in this write. you make it hard to judge _hugs_ -
haunting
Diana this is beautiful
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Thank you very much
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i want to sing to you
every song that
the stars in each
joint of your fingers
would whisper to me;
i don't know why i like this part so much, but i think this is a creative and great poem, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest -
Amazing piece of poetry,loved it,the depths,the description,everything!Kudos
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Thank you very much
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Wow - I don't think I've read too much of your work before, but this is making me add you to my favorites!
Beautiful poem with amazingly creative lines! I love this!
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Thank you, I'm flattered
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