You looked as if
you belonged in a movie
with bad actors
forgetting their lines
The car jogged in place
like a diet program gone bad
it’s wheels doing a poor job
of catching their breath
The sky seemed slightly familiar
like the fabric roses
on that ugly tablecloth
your grandmother refused
to get rid of
It cracked like
an expired egg
seeping green puss
onto the sidewalk
that wasn’t there the first time
I looked at it
The way your eyes dangled
from their sockets
hanging by the noose of a
twisted vertebrae
convinced me that the red
stuff was
thrown-up ketchup
But the strangest thing
was the way your head
seemed to nod
when I got too close
agreeing with question
I never asked- while
your lips streched apart
like melted taffy
as if something were funny
Author notes
After one of my best friends was killed in a car accident, I had this dream at least twice a week for three months. It had never occured to me to write about it.
Zillion
A contest entry
- A Dream Poetry Contest by -BlackKnight-.
875 points, ended July 2, 2007, 20 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Looking For Crickets by Celticmoon.
1500 points, ended July 15, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
?
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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The imagery within this piece is refreshingly amazing. So bright and vivid though some may find them slightly disturbing. But then poetry is both beautiful and disturbing all at the same time. some of the most wonderful piece of poetry stem from some of the most brutal acts known to man and to society as a whole. Thank you for entering and good luck!
Blessings
Bel
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after re-reading and soaking up the write, you have been upgraded
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Hmm, strange, and overall interesting I suppose, but not exactly what I like reading from week to week.
I'm going to remove this one from the contest, but feel free to enter another one instead.
-Allura -
A fine poem we have here. It's not without its few errors (mostly just minor fine-tuning and grammatical stuff, but nothing that hurts the poem as a whole), but it gets the job done rather effectively. Definitely better than the first few poems I've read (and re-read) to start judging this.
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Beautiful poem, you use some amazing descriptive words, and you keep the flow going flawlessly. you did an awesome job writing this. I'm sorry to hear about your friend, I've lost a few myself I know how hard that can be.
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maybe....holding under consideration
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maybe, keeping for further consideration
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GREAT I LOVE IT!!!! i feel sorry that your friend died..... i like how you will say something and then like describe it..... well u know what i mean right? ok peace out
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Thank you for commenting. My friend was a great guy, and he'll be missed. However, I could have done without the dreams. They were slightly nerve-racking.
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The sixth stanza really stood out to me "agreeing with question I never asked" spooky! So sorry to hear about the loss of your friend, thoughts and prayers.
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Thank you for your comments. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Zill
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