Another day, another year
Another hope, another fear
Tonight I write of sorrow
As the sand lays, crushed, in my hand
And hope for a better tomorrow
A day which may never be planned
I walk along the sand of a place
Which nurtured me not long ago
A place which added peace to my face
When the world brought nothing but anger to show
Another love, another dance
Another time for one last chance
I close my eyes, a passing thought
A thought of all I have held dear
A thought of all this year has taught
All these thoughts will disappear
I choose this spot for many reasons
This spot bears many memories
From the spirit of the seasons,
From the very hearts of trees
Another day, another year
Another hope, another fear
Another love, another dance,
Another time for one last chance
Another set of pains to ease
Another tear into the breeze
Author notes
My code is;
2007RC074
A contest entry
- Great Poetry! by Not-The-Sun.
650 points, ended June 29, 2007, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Devastatingly Beautiful by ultimate beluga.
450 points, ended July 20, 2007, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Quickie Contest- Aug/2007 Pre-Writes Only by Mercury Rising.
600 points, ended August 16, 2007, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Raven Contest: Uncovering Genius in the Written Word by Raven Contest.
14500 points, ended October 1, 2007, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Quickie..Reserve Your Spot!! Pre-writes ARE allowed!! ENDS TONIGHT!! HURRY!!♥ by xCandieKissesx.
750 points, ended August 22, 2007, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "Your Favorite Prewrite" by Virgoan.
500 points, ended September 3, 2007, 103 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GIVE ME YOUR HM FOR A CHANCETO WIN GOLD by esroddo.
450 points, ended September 21, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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There is clearly something regretful at work here as the author explains emotions that lament the passing of time - feelings we can at once identify with and push away. I found the work to play on its repetitive nature in a positive way as the reader was able to get a feeling from between the lines about the author's feeling of hopelessness over his/her life considered. In that sense, the power found in this piece is derived more from what isn't said than what is.
Thank you for your entry.
~Das -
A Very interesting and sad write
You had me intrigued with your words. The more I read the more I wanted. Thanks for your entery I loved these stances;
"I close my eyes, a passing thought
A thought of all I have held dear
A thought of all this year has taught
All these thoughts will disappear
I choose this spot for many reasons
This spot bears many memories
From the spirit of the seasons,
From the very hearts of trees"
LISA
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As time passes by for us and especially if life doesn’t appear to be going to well, I think it’s a natural inclination to look back at where we came from, where we are heading and the journey in between. This poem brought two areas of life to my mind when reading it, the first being life in general, how we don’t always fulfil our dreams and therefore feel we have let ourselves down by not reaching our intended goals, and the second area is of a lost romance and the hope of there being “Another love, another dance, / Another time for one last chance.” Most of us also have a special place where we like to be alone with our thoughts and again the special place in this poem appeared to me to indicate where an important event had taken place, perhaps the scene where two people first met, bringing peace and love into a tormented soul.
I think the rhythm in some stanzas is a little out, but I quite like the way there are two rhythms within the poem, one for the quatrains and one for the couplets. It feels to me as if the quatrain rhythm is telling the story while the faster couplet rhythm is acting like the ticking of the clock, and the reader is watching time pass by.
Congratulations on reaching the final round of the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with this entry.
Northern Raven
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The sound in its repetition is really beautiful and stunning. I like how you played with the flow.
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best in the contest. Keep writing my friend.
>>>VIRGOAN
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I really like your imagery in this piece. I'm not too crazy on the repetiton in the piece, but overall I do like it and find it weaves an interesting messages
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I certainly would not undermine the effort of this poem, nor its value. It was a cute little situation of words. However, if you really love poetry, especially rhyming poetry, then I would suggest that you learn meter. There is a class on this site called Gentle Introduction to Meter by Epistomolus, who is a very knowledgeable and kind person. I think it could really improve your style and understanding with words.
In most schools, especially American schools, they don’t instruct you how to write poetry properly and so it is no fault of yours. But when one reads this poem or one like it the rhyme feels contrived because there are syllabic patterns or lack there of that cause it to sound flawed.
In no way do I mean this negatively, and I myself am no genius with meter as I’ve started just recently to learn it. I used to write things like this and probably worse, but I got better with free verse and metered poetry because I decided to learn more of what makes it what it is.
If poetry is just something you just like to do now and then because its fun for you, and you don’t want to commit to getting better than that’s fine. Everyone has things that aren’t terribly and important but are done for enjoyment. I skateboard and snowboard but I know Ill never be professional. I do them for fun and I don’t have the talent or the devotion to be amazing with it. What I’m getting at is some people on this site act like everyone who is not a phenomenal poet is a cretin or a fool. Its okay to write however you want for your own pleasure, but if poetry is vastly intriguing for you then definitely take some classes on here and check out some books from the library. With more knowledge of the art you can better express yourself and make your writing more beautiful.
I apologize for the size of this comment; I’m a rambler.
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I am impressed. What a gorgeous write! It was beautiful and cute. I like it alot! Great job! Good luck in the contest!! ♥
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great job!i am impressed.U wrote this poem nicely.U r very talented.I love this poem,this is problaly the best poem ive seen.U did a nice job.keep up the good work.your a finalist.
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Thank you for your comment.
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Very nice write about life. It very uplifting and sends a positive message of hope.Life changes there always hope"another time for one last chance."It reflective in nature sharing what was learned. Someone going to a quiet spot to reflect upon the meaning of life. Very nice flow to it. The content is very well done. Thanks for entering the contest. I wish you the best of luck.
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i love this poem, the flow works so well, it seams like it should be a song. this is my favorite of yours so far!
Wonderful, wonderful poem!
"Another day, another year
Another hope, another fear
Another love, another dance,
Another time for one last chance
Another set of pains to ease
Another tear into the breeze"
Beautiful!
*peace*
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Yep. This is one of my personal favorites too.
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aww! this is gorgeous, thankyou for entering!
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I enjoyed reading this- the flow and the form worked well. It didn't come out straight and say exactly what it was trying to tell a reader- you decribed time, and different memories. great job. good luck in my contest and thanks for entering.
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Forgot applause.
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AWESOME John Adams.
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this is the best poem i've read!!!
read again, by me,
acaciacorn
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wow!
this is amazing! I wish I could write like that!
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