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Bright Lights








'let me go'
she said
withoutspeaking
under bright lights
with a touch
the rhythm of the words
echoing in the way
she walked away
while He waited in the car
with the dark windows
and I am a little less
than what I was

Author notes

Written August 9th, 2003

In a list

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Nam
    November 2, 2003
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    The form makes it look like it is in the shape of a fat vase. I don't know why I say that.....another lovely written piece. But, the sadness touches light a bit, maybe that was intentional.


  • Odyssey
    August 9, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    I like the non-word, makes the two concepts bind together, is if it a state that always existed.

    I like the brevity of this piece - with the word choices and capitalization you say everything that needs to be said...

    Soundless bright lights, echoes, dark windows...He, and lonely I.

  • Valkricry
    August 9, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Arghhhhhhhh...WHY is everything shifted over that border over there<<<


  • myrataal silver member
    August 9, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    I am getting more and more frustrated, because I feel you could do much more with idea and plot ... Your talent is awesome, but some of your work need more structure ...

    Poetry is simplicity - and the aim must be to communicate some universal meaning, too ... Please do that ... please, please, please!

    Give me a smooth pebble on a silver platter, Poet - and dissolve it into flowers of clarity ... or kaleidoscopic birds of tragedy

    Sorry - it is not you, really - today I am a thirsty soul yearning for crystalline water of life.

    Myra
    Edited on Aug 09, 10:33 because ''.

  • Pataliyah
    August 9, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Lute..this is one a I can touch...I don't want to, but I can. It makes me want to wish different for you , for all of us who have waited behind dark windows...no matter the time frame, the bits that are lessened in us become...more valuable, more precious as we age...it isn't until we are old that we realize that they never are replaced...a queer, almost bitter lament...There ought to be a law against this.

    your style, simplicity of language is endearing ,habit forming
    Edited on Aug 09, 9:12 because ''.

  • Lauren9999
    August 9, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    I REALLY LIKE IT. I AM NOT SURE WHAT ELSE TO SAY, I'M NOT GOOD AT THIS COMMENTING STUFF. I JUST HAD TO SAY SOMETHING BECAUSE I HAVEN'T SEEN TOO MANY I LIKED THIS MUCH. THE WORDS FIT TOGETHER PERFECTLY AND ...I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE.

1 - 6 of 6