Facing a life of emptiness,
depression her one and only friend.
Too many tomorrows left to go,
until this loneliness will end.
Withdrawn from the cruelties of life,
hiding her imperfections quite well.
Hovering on the brink of destruction,
as cracks start to appear in her shell.
Tears of her losses begin to flow,
streaming down her once pretty face.
Wishing so badly to have just once,
been held in his strong loving embrace.
Facing a life without his love,
is something she's not willing to do.
She's waiting to get up the courage,
and be able to carry it through.
A contest entry
- She sits in her corner singing herself to sleep wrapped around in the promises that no one seems to keep. by Starz of Heaven.
525 points, ended June 22, 2007, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - Dark: Anger, Angst and Goth by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 124 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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The emptiness from a lost love can be excruciatingly painful and leave a person feeling so completely devastated that there seems no reason to carry on and I think this author has captured the total desolation so clearly in this poem. I personally like the use of rhyme and in this poem it has added greatly to aid the flow of the piece. I sometimes feel that rhyme lightens up a dark poem which can make them more palatable to viewers who might otherwise feel bogged down by dark content but as this poem appears to deal more with the feelings of sadness and loneliness, using rhyme has been of benefit. The addition of a stanza or two would allow the author to give more detail and the smoothness of the flow would carry it off without asking too much of the reader. Although I like this poem I think the last line could be worded differently to add weight to the authors intentions.
Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.
Northern Raven
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This is a very deep and an emotional filled write..in its own way it also provokes a flame in the heart...feel in the spirit..it is tender at the same time strong which is different combination to attain at times..
great work here aunt!
hugs n kisses
preets
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Sad filled with sorrow but when the love of a lifetime is gone for whatever the reason there is no light into the tomorrows and all the yesterdays sit so heavy on the soul. Yet the pain of the loss drowns in tears falling from the pretty face. Beautifully pennd hun the good bad girl has such talent. a pleasure to read hun good luck in the contest go you bad girl
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excellent
Wonderful write Jeannie, your thought flow so smoothly, facing life without his love is not something she is willing to do, sad yet hopeful cause she seems to be a tough woman who will let the light shine through the cracks.
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This is a very sad poem but nicely written. My favorite lines are :
Facing a life of emptiness,
depression her one and only friend.
Too many tomorrows left to go,
until this loneliness will end.
I can relate to them. Thank you for your entry.
Best Wishes
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very good
as long as i have my poetry crap weither good or bad it does not realy matter who needs love and my words do not yell back well not yet anyway been posting on poetrycastle some differnt some of the same
as always
love the papa
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awwwww sis very sad poem will feelings express so strong .. i love u sis xxxxx cheeky xxxx
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SO SAD !!!
This is so sad but in a way I am able to relate to it, I have been in this state of mind and almost ended it one night way back when. Something pulled me back just at the last moment though, such terrible thoughts one hopes never comes back again.
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Wow!!
I was just about to come visit You when You visited me
Powerful piece penned and I endured similar to what Your words speak but not exactly in same situation... in 2000-
but the experience opened my eyes wider
in some respects
Did not know what I had till he was gone..
but his was in a physical-permanent state
not Spiritual...
Wish You only Happiness!!
Best wishes to You in the contest
Many blessings too
and much love~Desire~*~
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Very heartbreaking
This is a picture inspired contest but for some reason i feel this is true for you .
I hope am wrong but if not i will be praying .
I loved this poem !
~Lisa~
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Thanks.
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