A book on your shelf
hidden between Chekhov and Lawrence.
A hardback copy
bound in soft red leather,
golden letters down the spine.
One book among many,
placed here in your room
on these shelves
by your hand.
Silently
authors bare witness
titles proclaim.
And I ponder
the covers
you have opened.
The pages turned
words remembered,
what thoughts, have touched you.
At your invitation
I stand in your room.
And here you are
lying stretched out before me,
naked.
In the day light.
Author notes
I saw a book on a friends bookshelf with the title of Intimacy this is what i made of it.
A contest entry
- Raven Qualifier - General: Free Verse, Rhyme and Everything Else by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 140 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Abstract. Be different. by Trent plus pen.
650 points, ended July 3, 2007, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - POETRY OF HONORABLE MENTION ONLY by Three Doves.
300 points, ended September 5, 2007, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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unique and intriguing form of intimacy. never really thought about it before, but i guess it is true that you could learn a lot about someone from the books on their shelves, and you also captured this sense of sudden breaking through to a new irreersable closeness, from seeing the revealing spines of books
"placed here in your room
on these shelves
by your hand."
the final climatic stanza is awesome, sprung on us, could be interpreted literally or metaphorically, that ambiguity is very effective and powerful.
"Silently
authors bare witness
titles proclaim." unless the use of "bare" is intentional, i think you mean "bear witness." this is probably the weakest passage in the poem in my eyes. but i have to say this is quite good, thought provoking look at intimacy.
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Thank you for entering the contest and best wishes.
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"and this is what I made of it."
Well, this is brilliant! What could be viewed a simple glance you have turned into a wonderful piece of art! Bravo!
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this was amazing! I loved the end
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Very... interesting. Hmm... I like it
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Tender Moment ...
your writting has a very different point of veiw. Leaves me feeling like I was a part of your day. Something so simple and so memorable at the same time. It is like a memory frozen in time. soft and sweet makeing me look for me! Great Write ...
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I like what you made of it. I think you did a very good job of it. Good luck to your in the contest. lol
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Good [=
x
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very good
original
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The first place I go in a strange house is to look at the bookcase; on repeated visits I look to see what has changed. You can tell a lot about someone by their taste in books; or perhaps a lot about what they want you to think about them, from the books they choose to display... this uncertainty is I think shown in this poem: also the closing stanza reinforces this thought. Somebody stretched before you, naked, in daylight, is either completely vulnerable, or supremely, brazenly confident. Which cover do you want to judge them by?
Very interesting and thought provoking. -
I'll echo the sentiments of my co-judge and add the feeling that I liked, in the end, the first reaction was not to take you literally (that she was *actually* naked) but rather to feel that you meant, through the viewing of her collection of books, her mind - her true self - was laid bare. That was a very nice touch to an unassuming effort.
Thank you for your entry.
~Das -
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Thanks for your comment
Thanks for your comments
Das
Thank you very much for your comments I appreciate the time you have taken. I am quiet New to Allpoetry and whilst I am still struggling a little to get to grips with the site I have found it to be very stimulating.
This competition is by far the best I have entered up to yet I feel that a lot of time and thought has gone into it, please pass on my thanks to it’s organizers and your fellow judges.
I have tried to use the poem to explore what true intimacy is, I must admit though if I do find myself in somebody’s space and they have books on show I do feel it does tell me a lot about them. I am not sure people consider this on the whole. Whilst I like the book covers my interests are a little deeper.
Regards
Perdix
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There is a very serene feel throughout this poem and in my mind I could envisage a scene set in a peaceful Sunday morning after a night of passion, with the author determining who his lover really is. Although this poem is more about those thoughts, I think there is a concealed air of seduction to the entire piece of work, which I personally find very appealing. The lady in question is obviously one who loves literature with authors such as Chekhov and Lawrence on her shelf and while the poem doesn’t state the nature of the leather bound book specifically, it implies that it’s titled intimacy which leads the author (and reader) to private thoughts and questioning.
As we go through life we learn a lot about the people we encounter, not merely by talking or being with them, but by observations of their lifestyles. I think the author of this poem realises that and has captured and portrayed this attribute lucidly in the fourth stanza. The last stanza arouses passion amongst the quiet thoughts which concludes the scene and the poem extremely well.
There are a few minor errors that could be corrected to help this piece of work very slightly. In lines 1, 2 and 22 there are extra spaces between words that shouldn’t be there, and although it’s strictly not necessary, I think this piece would benefit from taking out a few of the capital letters at the start of some sentences and the addition of extra punctuation, allowing easier flow when reading. I think line 11 should be “Authors bear witness” and not ‘bare’ but perhaps the author got carried away thinking about the intimacy. I know I did .
I feel the use of straightforward language in this poem is a positive experience for two reasons. Firstly I don’t think it’s necessary for such a clear image to be buried under a deluge of fanciful words, and secondly, this poem is about the briefest of moments and fleeting thoughts that don’t warrant it. It also happens to be a personal preference of mine.
So what do I like about this poem? Everything! It’s beautiful, sensual, serene, true to life and it’s been a very real pleasure to read it. One last suggestion would be to promote it so it gets the audience I think it deserves.
Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.
Northern Raven
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Changes
I have tried to make the poem flow a little better, I know you must be very busy but if you could let me know if they have worked I would real appreciate it my grammer is not good.
regards
Perdix -
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I'm never too busy to come back when requested so nicely. The changes you've made work very well and your grammar is fine.
Keeping 'bare' adds a twist to the piece but be aware that other readers might also pick up on it and maybe you'll have to explain your reasoning to them. Perhaps it could be added to the author notes.
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Thanks for your comments
Thanks for your comments
Northern Raven
Thank you very much for your considered comments I appreciate the time and effort you have taken.. I am quiet New to Allpoetry and whilst I am still struggling a little to get to grips with the site I have found it to be very stimulating. This competition is by far the best I have entered up to yet I feel that a lot of time and thought has gone into it, please pass on my thanks to it’s organizers and your fellow judges.
I love people and will always strive to bridge the gap between us. Relationships are always complex and I enjoy exploring every situation I find myself in.
I have tried in this poem to explore what true intimacy is and whether a true knowledge of a person through their books may be more intimate than the usual sexual connotation of intimacy. I could not resist setting one off against the other. I am not well educated hence the use of simple language, that is not an apology but I also believe as you that sometimes simple can be best. Thanks for pointing out the errors I will correct them, though I am not sure whether I will correct the spelling of “Bear” I will think about it. Once again thanks.
Regards
Perdix
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