Another silent tragedy took place last night
Another teenage girl tried to take her own life
She thought she was a lost cause
and too big a burden on her parents
She was tired of bouncing in and out of hospitals
tired of the way she couldn't stop obsessing
over calories and weight and her reflecion in the mirror
tired of the voices no one else could hear
daddy kept a bottle of pills in his dresser drawer
mail ordered Vicodan he'd gotten over the internet
he thought she didn't know about his secret supply
that kept the pain of modern life at a level of toleration
But kids are observant and she was no exception
One day mom was grocery shopping,
dad was at work
she ate too much for dinner
and was having trouble forcing herself to puke
In a moment of serene insanity
and feeling completey alone and misunderstood
She went into the drawer
and came out with a bottle
and a way to permanantly end the pain
sixty two pills later
and dizzier then a drunk
she lay down on her bed
as a stream of hyperactive thoughts ran through her head
Slowly consciousness evaporatad
and the last thing that she felt
was a stream of warmth between her legs
as she pissed on her self
Mom came home ten minutes later
with her daughter almost too far gone
an ambulance's siren pierced the silence of the night
the medics arrived to find a hysterical mom
and a barely breathing child
IV's were inserted
heart moniter leads glued in place
the girl didn't even stir at the sharp prick of the needles
or the fiery medication flowing in
It was days later when the girl tried to open her taped shut eyes
she found herself in the PICU
on total life support
She'll never be the same that girl
her body took quite the hit
it'll be dialysis and medication for the rest of her life
Another silent tragedy took place last night
and no one really knows or cares
and that girl I talked about,
well,
she's me.
Author notes
used word bank option: vein, vicodan, fiery, ambulance, siren, sharp, IV, dizzy
A contest entry
- show me the pain,ill give you the money by On Frail Wings..
550 points, ended June 18, 2007, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - suicide poems that don't suck by aeolia.
380 points, ended January 1, 2008, 104 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Don't go to the light, when you can have more fun in the Dark! by luna-midnight.
875 points, ended November 19, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Wow a very hard hitting emotional poem. I hope you are doing well now if this is a true encounter.
First of all, I suggest using a little more punctuation, It may just improve the flow of the poem more. Also having the word "pissed" in there, in my opinion, lowers the tone of the poem slightly.
However these do not take away how amazing this poem is. Well done! The imagery and details you use really involve the reader, and creates a very involving powerful poem.
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amazing.
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i liked the free verse and emotion conveyed in this piece. reading the poem, i was able to picture the whole story. nice job
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nice this, was amazing and descriptive, nice job, full of emotion!
^_^
thanks for the entry and good luck
stephanie -
Struck a chord
This poem is beautiful and moved me to tears. It struck a chord in my heart, but I loved it. -
Beautiful
Very beautiful. moving -
The poem is beautiful. very well constructed.... very moving...
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This poem is great. Sad also. A lot of people struggle with this in life. Good job
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sad but good
this is very sad and im sorry, but its good write a touching story/poem, its sad and i know how you must have felt as i feel like that some times
well done -
wow i mean wow nice job this is sad im sorry it happened but still an awesome write!good luck
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I was reading through this piece and I came to the end to find an error... I'm a perfectionist but I also know this is a contest entry so it's just something helpful to point out. Nonetheless, here's the error:
She'll never be the same that girl (yours)
"She'll never be that/the same girl" (possbile edit)
Just something to consider. Also, I know this is a free write for a contest but if you have a special place where you hold this poem like I do after reading it consider giving it some more structure... Read through it and find particular area's that don't exactly flow and revise them... I've had to do that for the past 7 yrs. of writing I've done... It's not fun but the overall product is sentimental
.
Alex
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