The Shepherd:
Those eyes, fair face, lips of distaste
Turn smile, if words are not displaced
Let our tongues dance with winter’s haste
All doubt of us will be erased
His Love:
I can not wear your heat on lips
Winter chapped, where the wind did kiss
I do not doubt the spark is there
But frankly, sir, I can not care
I’ll sketch your face in mountain’s side
I’ll battle God, reverse the tide
Trust I am true, to be your guide
In blissfulness, become my bride
As mountains crumble, seas hold fast
Nothing, darling, is built to last
Grieve for my loss while I’m still here
I’ll be alone, year after year
In valleys where the frost has set
Your glacial charms won’t chase regret
And soon, my love, you will forget
You ever saw me as a threat
I fear my heart’s been broke too oft
Crushed and jaded, no longer soft
Despite nature’s law of reason
Spring is never the next season
You, my orchid, beneath the snow
Shall once again feel the sun’s glow
You’ll bloom again, as love does grow
I promise this, as lovesick beau
The words you speak are like the field
Softly turned, so that I might yield
My hand in yours, I’ll take the chance
Love will prevail, in shepherd’s dance
Author notes
By: trista
"Pastoral" (from pastor, Latin for "shepherd") refers to a literary work dealing with shepherds and rustic life. Common topics of pastoral poetry include love and seduction; the value of poetry; death and mourning; the corruption of the city or court vs. the "purity" of idealized country life; politics A common pastoral poetic genre is the eclogue (a dialogue between two shepherds). This conversation may be between a shepherd and the shepherdess he loves (generally his attempt to seduce her); a "singing contest" to see which shepherd is the better poet (a third may act as judge); or sophisticated banter between two supposedly "rude swains" who discuss a lady, their flocks, or a current event; lament a dead friend (a eulogy or elegy); or praise a notable individual. Laudatory poems, laments upon a death, songs of courtship and the complaints of a lovesick shepherd also occur as pastoral monologues.
Source:
http://cla.calpoly.edu/~dschwart/engl339/pastoral.html
Examples:
A Dialogue between two shepherds
http://www.luminarium.org/renlit/thenot.htm
The Passionate Shepherd to His Love
http://www.bartleby.com/106/5.html
The nymph's reply to the shepherd
http://www.luminarium.org/renlit/nymphsreply.htm
A contest entry
- Poets Survivor -Top 8 -Round 10 by Ryno.
500 points, ended June 26, 2007, 4 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - aesthetic articulation [prewrites & apply.] by blackday.
2250 points, ended August 24, 2007, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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very courtly and old-fashioned in its flavor - I like it a lot and was so happy to hear from you again, Trista. Happy Spring!
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Lovely
It is great to read first class real poetry!
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The rhythm, rhyme and flow of this is done very well. Nicely penned. Reminds me a pit of the Song of Solomon.
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This was very, very lovely...the first 'pastoral' I've read, and I really enjoyed it. I like how it is broken up with the two separate 'voices'. I love some of the wording - too much to recant here in this comment. I like how in your author's notes, you explained this - thank you.
This was very enjoyable.
Congrats. on the well-deserved trophies!
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Excellent
just beautiful, love the way you presented as impending, the sense that love will win, just as the season's must eventually change. Beautiful.
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Not bad ...
and I like the point of view as well as the subject matter and how you've handled it. I don't like this line:
Winter chapped, where the wind did kiss
I think it's absolutely verboten to use some form of the verb to do with another verb, 17th or 18th Century usage that doesn't work in modern poetry. Other than that, you've done a fairly good job on this.
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i enjoyed your layout. It made the poem easy to read. :]
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Such a stunning piece of poetry you have penned here. It is breathtaking to say the least. One can clearly tell the effort and time that has been put into this work of art. Thank you for entering and best of luck to you!
Blessings
Bel
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PS: I just realized how closely the title fits what the form requires. Nice work on this
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This is the most specific poetry form I gave out, because the topics you can write about are very limited. There is just one issue that I have with this poem, is there anyway we could see a bolder ending? I felt that the last stanza, the second last line specifically just seemed to ...regular for this poetry form. I donno it might just be the way I was reading it, but your flow and story-telling, rhymes and even emotion are just packed with high effort. Very well written and thank-you for the enjoyment of this
Ryan -
Oh wonderful
Beautifully penned by you. After all the shepherd's wooing he finally caught her. I was riveted throughout wondering what the ending would be abd you have pulled it all off brilliantly.
Thanks so much for sharing.
Gaylene
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Wow, Trista, this was just lovely. I was so impressed by the determination of the shepherd toward his reluctant lover. His words were powerfully penned and really quite beautiful. I especially loved “I’ll battle God, reverse the tide.” Those were strong, fiercely single-minded words. Yet you balanced them so nicely with gentle comfort as in, “you, my orchid, beneath the snow shall once again feel the sun’s glow.” Very well done. I thought your rhyming was beautiful and you maintained the form quite well both in subject matter and in style. I almost wanted there to be one more set of verses before she gave in, though. That last stanza of the shepherd was convincing, to be sure, but she was so set against his advances, spark or no spark, that I would have expected her to make him hang on just a bit more. The first two lines of her last stanza were perfect, but I would have liked to see her follow them with some sort of coy, but less reluctant statement. THEN she could have moved on to “taking the chance” after his final wooing rebuttal. That is just a matter of personal taste, really, but I think it would have toyed with your reader’s emotions a bit more. Will she, won’t she??? Either way, we are glad to see her give in. It is true to the emotion of the piece and to the tradition of the form. Something else you did really well was to use all of the “outdoorsy” imagery as would be characteristic of a good poem in this form. A very well done pastoral!!!
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Well hun I will say that this is the best piece I have read from you in the competition, it is outstanding. I loved the form and the old world feel of this work. I disagree with another commenter, oft and soft are perfect to my ear. and I love the use of oft in general it keeps the piece in the period that you intended. There is nothing negative to say of this piece, it is from start to finish glorious and I loved it. Hugs, Bunny
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This poem is amazing. This has to be one of the best poems I've ever read on this site. This is so skillfully penned. You really did a wonderful job on this. I would wish you good luck, but you really don't need it.
Chelsea
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This , to be frank, is one of the BEST poems I've read
It's going right where it belongs - my bookmarks
I can't even begin to explain how good it is
I can feel every word, every idea, its just great
There were some really deep phrases where you touch my feelings ... what the shepard said does not affect me that much - well, seeing what happened, not much will affect me anymore, but the shepards lover - the imagery and dialogue between those two are nothing lss than excellent.
"I do not doubt the spark is there
But frankly, sir, I can not care"
That made me realize one of the main things happening to me. ..
Till today, as much as I say I am, I'm not over yash. I'd like to think that he isn't either. It's just gotten to a point where, his smile would bright up my day - and maybe, hopefully, he wants to hear from me. And even though all that happens, I can't care anymore, I'm fed up of this whole tag game ... and as I know more clearly, he said it straight to me - he does not care.
"Nothing, darling, is built to last
Grieve for my loss while I’m still here"
That's correct ... nothing is built to last, i couldn't agree more. and the other part - would fit in where i think I'm gonna be ... nvm
"I fear my heart’s been broke too oft
Crushed and jaded, no longer soft"
That part - I don't have to explain - you know the whole story - the "Tag Game"
There you go .. be proud of this .. cause I certainly LOVE this write.
NeveR ♥
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wow
...
I was eagerly waiting for your entry, my sister ...
and I am not disappointed, to say the very least ...
this poem is just awesome ... I don't like romantic poetry too much, but this is just too touching and heartfelt ...
excellent rhymes and meter as well, a winner for me ... it's you whom I'll cheer in the finale, that's for sure ... and with the greatest of all pleasure ...
marion
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Excellent x2
The words here are realy excellent
Your Authors notes are well done
Your a regular reasurch tecknition
The rhyme in this is spot on, except for "Oft"
This reminds me of Mission Impossable, or Jump School,
or Ranger Traning, to get thru this. I have no paitences for long distance anymore, but I am proud of you
This is Beautiful Trista
Rick
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