Sunset-shadows
haunt the ground…
chills creeping
down her spine…
sitting silently
in the mist…
watching…
wishing…
for the moment
when Earth
is quiet…
and she…
she can
finally breathe.
A contest entry
- WAITING FOR THE TREE TO COME DOWN.... by Dalaney.
725 points, ended June 15, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "Anything Goes!...Well almost...kinda....sorta....uh...." by islekine.
600 points, ended August 12, 2007, 31 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Be ready for real CRITICISM........ by algoressister.
500 points, ended November 11, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I enjoyed the simplicity of this. You have penned a beautiful write indeed! Best of luck in the contest!
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This is beautiful! The brevity leaves an open interpreatation for so many levels . . . is Earth she here?
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Hi,
Well, you certainly have accomplished brevity here.....if you add a “the” before “Earth”
for the moment
when Earth
is quiet…
for the moment
when the Earth
is quiet…
The former reads “dirt”
The latter is the globe.....
Otherwise I like this piece.....Its lack of wordiness draws attention to each image......I might ask what you learned here.....thank you for contributing.....TTFN Love Laurel -
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Well, the way it is intended is for "Earth" to be personified. "Earth" is a proper noun, and if read correctly with that in mind, it means the globe. If you place a "the" in front of Earth, it is no longer a proper noun; therefore, losing personification. Trust me, I'm a master at personification. I love taking inhuman objects, and giving them human qualities. I really do appreciate your constructive criticism. I just have to say in this case we will agree to disagree. Thank you!
--Em
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Great poem makes you hold your breath to the end then finally exhaling Congrats on the honorable mention and good luck in the contest be ready for real CRITICISM
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nice and I am ready to just sit back and breathe
no more chasing false love or hopes -
I like this...
in top 10 so far....
*PEACE* -
Keep this up
I find poetry like this best reveals your qualities as a writer and character as a person. Thank you for sharing this quiet intimate moment with us. It has a subtle power that can stop you and make you think/feel/enjoy the moment.
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^_^
good poem. it give the reader a suspenseful feeling, like in a mystery novel, when the protagonist is at the climax -
Good write you have here Emily. Short but to the point, always good descriptions and imagery. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.
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Ok, well I've spent entirely too much time on this one... to the point where my head hurts from thinking about it. It seems a little vague to me... perhaps that was your intention, as the one waiting in this... is not saying anything, just sitting. So all I will say about it... is that it made me think about everything and nothing. Hmm... interesting?
41
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I thought this was very calming in tone...I loved the ending. Nice job! keep 'em coming! Kendal
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you know it is funny that in these times we find our breathe, i like this poem and think you did a great job on this, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
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I like this. A very hushed quality
about your poem. Good entry. Lane
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