I am not confused
I am seeing clear
You thought I was reduced
Scared away from all I fear
I am not behind
I am in charge of this
You told me I was blind
And I was sure to miss
But you didn’t count this
You didn’t think that I would find better
Would see through you
No, I will not die down
I will not lie down
I am what I am
Take me for who I am
I am what I am
Take me for who I am
Burning pages from a journal unread
Blood stain sheets to be washed from this bed
Finding the truth was harder than it seems
When you finally see, it was hidden from me
Down, down, don’t you fucking cry
Down, down, don’t you fucking lie
You sealed your fate when you called me wrong
I’ll watch you fall, I’ll watch you fall
I’ll sing this song, I’ll sing this song
I am what I am
Take me for who I am
I am what I am
Take me for who I am
Selfish
Don’t tell me, that you don’t put yourself first
Don’t tell me you care about my feelings
When you just leave them in the dust
Loving
All I need, all I ask, but you’re the one blind to see
You can’t give me what I need
You’re sucking the life out me
I am what I am
You are who you are
This isn’t love, this isn’t war
But I know who I am for sure
I am what I am
Take me for who I am
I am what I am
Take me for who I am
I am what I am
Take me for who I am
I am what I am
Take me for who I am
Take me for who I am
Take me for who I am
[I’m not your bitch tonight]
Author notes
A song, begginging a new chapter.
A contest entry
- Dudes be my muses (17-24 [ages]) by MistressAkasha.
475 points, ended June 29, 2007, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lyrics! by PoetryDove.
600 points, ended June 29, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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What a very strong write! I liked this a lot.
You sealed your fate when you called me wrong
I’ll watch you fall, I’ll watch you fall
I’ll sing this song, I’ll sing this song
That is my favorite part-it's so beautiful.
It has a dramatic sense to it if you recite this out loud.
Your repetition is good, although it could use a small bit of work. I still like it though.
Your end also ends strong (that's my point of view)
It started strong and ended strong, it's a beautiful thing. Really, I can't critique too much on this one- I liked it as is.
Thanks so much for entering!
~Poetrydove~
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First of all i want to thank you for entering my contest. I appreciate the entry. Secondly i am going to critique your poem. I’m going to be brutally honest and its my opinion take it as it is. Even if i gave you some opinions that you might not like it doesn’t eliminate you as a competitor in the contest.
Line 10 either its an incomplete thought or it just doesn’t sound right.
Lines 14-17 love the repetition.
Lines 22-23 usually for me it doesn’t sound write when poets decide to include profanity in there writes but I thing your usage is the best I see. And it does indeed fit your poem.
Line 25-26 um I really thought that the repetition wasn’t necessary. For me at least I thought that it pulled away from the original rhythm of the poem.
Lines 27-30 I like how you repeated line 14-17
I would revise this:
Selfish
Don’t tell me, that you don’t put yourself first
Don’t tell me you care about my feelings
When you just leave them in the dust
(add a space to make two different stanzas for me as it stands it gets confusing when you get to the lines with just selfish and loving. )
Loving
All I need, all I ask, but you’re the one blind to see
You can’t give me what I need
You’re sucking the life out me
Lines 43-52 I thought that as an ending to your poem it wasn’t to thrilling. I thought that the repition was over doing it. It just felt like a filler to make the poem longer.
Again thank you. Again these are my opinions and it is wholly up to you on how you take it. And one last time thank you again for entering my contest. -
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i loved your critique actually. I like hearing about improvements and such, thank you.
One thing though that may explain some of the repetion is that i write songs, and this is a full featured song. My choruses repeat and what not...it's something i kinda like.
thanks though for the comment.
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forgot please gimme ur profile name so i can check you out
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!!!!!!!!
Predair...i have a new favorite...this is so powerful and so emotional and just amazing.
the 4th stanza is my favorite...imagery out the wazoo! except when i got to the word down i had to laugh cuz of all the times i tried to touch you with feet and you were like "DOWN GIRL" and it made me smile.
great rhythm and use of rhyme scheme throughout!!!
the last line BLEW MY MIND!!!!!! PERFECT PERFECT PERFECT!!!!
you have really topped yourself here!
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