The night of May 4th 2007 I arrived home with a goal,
I finally set a task I could accomplish,
2 grams of coke and a new box of razors,
Gasoline up the nose and steel on the veins,
Two notes to the only ones who would find me,
With the first gram gone I opened the little box with exuberance
‘It’s so time’ is what I said to myself
As I held the blade to my wrist I could feel the end,
Taste it, almost touch it
It was beautiful, black abyss, freedom, nothing,
Fuck the translucent dream of Heaven and Hell,
I wanted none of it, nothing is exactly what I was joyful about,
Nothing that I loved, cherished, appreciated and admired would be stripped from me,
Life had lost its luster and love had given me the last gash,
With the first sight of crimson blood and tendon it was over-whelming glee,
A job going splendidly, exactly as planned,
I sliced veins and opened wounds wider,
Becoming proud of my work,
But they weren’t deep enough, wide enough, long enough,
Then the coke became not enough as I ran out,
They weren’t enough,
So now I’m left with the battle scars of May 4th ,
Wondering if I botched the job or if there really is something here for me.
Author notes
Im sure there's hope but for the poem dont give any..thank you....
A contest entry
- 20 insane options..... by AutumnsFlame.
850 points, ended July 8, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You want to enter this one...Prewrites allowd by sleepingINblackRain.
900 points, ended July 4, 2007, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - biggest contest in allpoetry history! (i hope) need 1,000 entries!! by Gasp.
1300 points, ended July 11, 2007, 638 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - oh, to just disappear... by CarCrashHumor.
1500 points, ended August 15, 2007, 48 entries
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525 points, ended August 6, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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brilliant
bravo, no other lines deserted to trail such an interesting title. the flow and progression were splendid.
All d best creative mind. -
Oh dang. This was awesome! I personally have no experience with drugs MYSELF but I have watched people I love succumb to them... This was an emotional roller coaster for sure. Well done.
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breathtaking poem. Excellent choice of words and such powerful emotion. I send my love to you- thats all i'll say.
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disturbing but f*cking true.
Stood up by Death. perfect title for this...I'm speechless..pretty much all I can say is completely what all your comment's already have read. intriguing...depressing.. well written and I really hope you see those scars as life...I hope your ok.
I went through the same suicidal life for two years, I'm better now, and reading your poem I was reminded of me, inspite that all...I'm great. You will get better too.
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Thinking
This is a absolutely well written poem. I'm not going to lecture you, about life and all the rest, in fact a person who has always thought what motivates a suicidal individual, this has opened my eyes to a great deal. The fact that your here and given us the fruits of your labor is awesome, imagined or not. The title of the poem, certainly gets one attention, it has a tongue in cheek feel, kind of cocky. Well done.
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Words Cannot describe
Interesting story. I hope that this incident opened your eyes to see that life is important. I have been fighting for my life for over two years now and to think that you were trying to take yours. I hope that life is better for you now and that you move forward instead of dwelling in the past. Let the marks on your wrists remind you of life, not death. Lisa -
good write
love this. its a good way to explain the need for more. hope ur ok -
This poem had me reading and intrigued until the very last line!!!! Great write
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This is really deeperessing. It is well writen but I find it to be very disturbing. I know what it's like I have been there but just to read about it is chilling to the bone. I won't say anything else about this peice but I do have one question. It says in your authors notes not to "give hope" on this poem....well if you don't want comments full of hope or encouragment they why is it a reward poem when these are frequently veiw by many members? I don't know just a thought! Great job though.
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Raw & Clean & Horrifying
That was R E A L and Clean and horrifying. Very well written too.
I don't know if you are writing this from personal experience, but if you are...I think you
could turn that scar into a beautiful tattoo. One that is symbol of all this written pain
and then your final stanza, hope and amazement.
That was wonderful writing. The black and red was perfect too.
or maybe a tattoo of the "roadrunner" cartoon character, remember the song:
roadrunner, the coyote's after you, roadrunner if he catches you, your through.
excellent haunting poetry very well written! Keep writing will read it all!
ears2hearyou
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how touching and sad. glad it didnt work out for you though otherwise we wouldnt get to read this great write!
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WOW very graphic and sad. Very well written. but to show you that you get a second chance.. but some do not... It makes ya think of how you can change your life around.
i liked this sad depressing poem. thank you for sharing.
poeticanjil -
it's wonderful that you didn't succeed.
"But they weren’t deep enough, wide enough, long enough,"
I had this happen as well.... and was rushed to the ER.
I'm glad though now... but at the time I just hated myself all the more for not even being able to complete the act.
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kewlness
WOW!!! This was good. It was overflowing with emotion and pain. This was seriously amazing. You had great descriptives and word choice. Great write and Great job! -
Nice, good descriptive words and the way you made me visualize the scene was perfect.. good luck in the contest
Claire-Anne -
I don't think I can find an appropriate comment for this one. I loved it, absolutely loved it. The ending is so so however the start and middle are brilliant. Thank you muchly!!
Bandaid. -
the imagery was amazing and the meaning was great. i really loved it.
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Your description and imagery here was insanely good, however I felt I was reading more of a story than a poem. That's what it felt like to me. And yes, I do like to see what people will come up with on the spot. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
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The imagry was very well done. I felt like i was almost high while reading it, looking over my shoulder, and cutting deeper trying over and over until it was good enough, and never accomplishing that. Feeling panic as the drugs depleated. I enjoyed the poem. Thanks for entering. Never stop writeing
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perfect
wow, tasteful. It's dark in a hopeful way. Perfect flow, great words. and for somereason I want to say 'innocent portrayal' but it isn't true.
i think my favorite likes were
"It was beautiful, black abyss, freedom, nothing,
Fuck the translucent dream of Heaven and Hell,
I wanted none of it, nothing is exactly what I was joyful about,
"
although, for reasons byeond my current mind-set, the line "But they weren’t deep enough, wide enough, long enough" strikes my fancy.
I love it, Great write, and i think maybe you're here for poetry.
This found it's way to my seldom used Favorites list.
Keep writing
~Soten Shinku-Ha Jaganshi
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thank you, Im flattered this piece made it to your favorite list. Thank you for your comment as well. I appreciate the feed back..
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thanks for entering.
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I don't really like poems about suicide, but this was great. You really bring the reader to the scene, to the moment with your writing. You describe the emotion so well. You did an awesome job on this. Good luck in the contest
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hello
your poem was different...i did like it..alittle dark for me... but i did like it.. keep up the good work... the flow was great.... thanks
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Wow... it's almost as thouhg I was writing this... except the dates are all wrong, its 15th October 1999 for me...
Anyway, I liked reading this.. it's nice to know that there are others out there who got stood up by death... though I have to tell you that it is a situation I would wish upon no one (both the suicide itself, and the having to live with the scars if it does not take) but I can tell you, it does get better. But... I am still stuck on your last line sometimes.
Anyway, great write, I did really like this one. -
First things first, I don't want to repeat the matra of the conselors in any mental place, but suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. I don't believe that, but you should. Suicide leaves you stronger, and this poem shows it. I've always view scars from slit wrists and cutting as battle scars, so I love that comparison
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my friend i'm glad death stood you up. you alone have the power to either bring happiness or sadness to those around you. i'm sorry i know these aren't the words you want to hear, but i care about ya, so i'm saying them. Tough luck. ps. loved the poem.
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Yikes, the author comments were as emotionally raw as the poem itself, and I'm left a little unsure of how to comment on the piece. To say "I understand" would be trite and ridiculous, I know, but I will say that the question posed at the end of the piece seems to be where the meat of the poem lies. Ultimately, you'll find the answer one way or another. In the meantime, keep writing. It's good therapy.
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Thank you for your comment, understanding and advice. It is appreciated
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beautiful
There is so much for the ink in the pen, never can tell till you are a survival, a poured inke empty the jar but if left in clot get dried in bottle i can feel the deep relief as your freely expressed your deepest boiling flaming heart, this was a very strong and a piece that carry so much lesson for a struck cupborad heart with lost clothing. be free there is more sweet laughter to pen out. well structured flowed well in tune and picture in used of word fit with tale
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