independence reduces built legacy
capturing tight childhood bond detention,
the past feels remote creation's support
where small shadow play tugs for attention.
you smirk confidence as time expires
and I retreat into squandered soul
while you depart into desolation's
intelligent designs whose fire is goal.
dancing departure rendering cool sloth
lifting anxiety to dull pain of leave,
the pupil has outsmarted his teacher.
I retain frail moments, situations naive.
teenage rebellion shatters adolescence
spilling memories of kin addiction,
separation's mandate extracts no tears.
bred clogging fears, a family affliction.
A contest entry
- Have you had Distant Tears? by Whoochi.
900 points, ended June 25, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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this is such a great write. We can all tell the sins of our lives in hopes that it is not repeated but it is up to them to listen. Such a stunning and powerful message. Thank you for sharing.
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You laid it all out...Takes along time find peace. The first stanza..amazing. All of it a wonderful poetic expression.
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~~Wxceptional piece and of course, always loving this style
, I feel your emotions expressed well in this piece ...I TY 
for entering and best of luck!
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There is a clear cut expression of thought in this poem. Bravo!
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This is an emotional piece expressed brilliantly
the depths to which you take us are vividly raw with intensity. I can't believe the way you have managed to express this. AWSOME!
ALSO HOLDS A FEW FEARS FOR ME.
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Full of emotion and depth. This is a poignant and powerful poem which flows brilliantly! I loved th eimagery and the stunning use of language. All the best in the contest!
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I like
The twist I see in your write. You took the tears, I think to another level. Awesome. lol
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So very well written and the flow just hangs on to you...You paint a strong image with your words and send a feeling of sadness...I love the way you can hold your reader to the very end and then I can take a breath
thank you so much for sharing
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this is a good piece of poetry - i am saying no more in people's poetry at the moment.
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"you smirk confidence as time expires
and I retreat into squandered soul
while you depart into desolation's
intelligent designs who's fire is goal." - great stuff.
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