she goes about her day to day
and does her duties to perfection
she cries alone
and works her way through
fears and self-rejection
no one knew this angel
was carring around such greif
if they'd only saw a glimps of things
they'd sigh in disbelief
she sits at home
and pours her heart out
to a man who doesnt care
he doesnt even listen to her
he acks as if she not there
why does she care what ther think
its becoming to muuch for her to hide
she has no friends to confide in
and family's gone astray
alone and broken hearted
she slits her wrist and slowly fades away
A contest entry
- Take me to a beautiful place by Yellow-Rose.
600 points, ended May 15, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want to play a game... by Aeris Silverlight.
500 points, ended June 13, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Your writing is very good, the emotion in this piece shines through and it is a beautiful write. However, it could usesome work. You may wish to spell check in the future, other contest holders can be very picky about spelling, and capitalization wouldn't hurt either. Apart from that, this is a beautiful, emotive write.
However, I fail to see the connection with the Saw movies, and this was the topic of my contest. I'm going to ask you to either explain the relevance (because it is possible I have missed the point) or remove the poem and submit another if you wish. -
Good write. Good luck in the contest!
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Sad but well written poem. I felt her pain. Thanks for your entry
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